My mom's crazy-ness is such a trigger for my anxiety. She is such a negative person. I get anxiety just from her being in the same room as me. She is bi-polar. She is too much for me. We get our taxes very soon and are using the money to buy new cars and move. Two kids is enough to stress you out, let alone having a mentally ill person being mentally ill all of the time. I can't wait to get as far away from her as possible. It will be so nice. Seth wants to wait until spring to move, otherwise I would say thirty days after we get our taxes. She is going to flip out either way, even though she knew this was going to happen from the get go. She will make it all about her like everything else. I can't wait until not talking to her is as simple as hitting the ignore button on my phone. She is such a negative drag on my life. She is a big problem for me, a burden. I have enough to worry about, and I am so excitedI soon won't have to deal with her antics. I can't let her emotions drag me down anymore. Soon, soon it will be over. It makes me feel so great. I simply cannot wait. I hate the holidays though. It seems like she goes into these crazy frenzy moments in the holidays. She makes them so stressful and full of drama, they are not fun when she is in the picture. She ruins lots of things for me. Moments, memories, and lots of other things. She is like a sabatour. Sometimes it seems like she purposely does things to irritate me of hurt me. I really really dont like her. She is always trying to demean my parenting. It really pisses me off because she was never a mother and has no right at all to judge any part of my parenting. Just me being there makes me a better parent then she ever was. It builds up so much because I feel like I can;t express these things because she will blow up into a crazy rage (last time she threw a fishtank down the stairs) and cause me to be upset and have anxiety attacks. There is no reasoning with her either. She twists everything around to make her some kind of victim and you the villian. She is impossible to talk to about anything. She wants a fight, she wants to drama. I might be making it worse but I have been trying so hard to void off any of those episodes.They make me so upset, I feel like I am doing the right thing. But I still feel upset because I feel like I have to just deal with whatever nonsense she puts out. She and I will never get along the way that she supposedly wants to. I really feel like I hate everything about her….maybe even her as a person. She is so vindictive. She lies, steals, has crazy outbursts. She lays guilt trips like bricks. She is a drug addict. That pisses me off too. She used to be a crack head years ago, and then stopped. Had a bunch of back surgeries, now gets strong narcotics perscribed to her, snorts them to get high, claims she doesnt and says she doesnt have a problem. She is a loser. She lives off social security, other people working. She could work, she is just also lazy. I am ashamed of her. I do not want to go anywhere with her and I hate people seeing her and knowing she is my mom. To be associated with her pisses me off. She is not anything what I want to be or am. I look at her as an example of everything not to do, not to be. When it comes to listing good things about her or things I like or love about her I am at a loss. She is the root of a lot of problems in my life and I am so happy I am so close to closing that book. I am trying to keep the peace, but I always feel like there is a bomb waiting to explode.I get so anxious because I feel like there is always a problem, a break down, an episode, a crazy moment around the corner with her at anytime. I can't deal with it. I hate feeling this way. I don't know what to do about it. She has not had an episode in a few, which is good. But it also makes me feel like that means there is one due, any time.