I am just so so fed up with everything & almost everyone right now! I finally got my access & right MA card after they sent the wrong one…the problem now the place that said they could see me within a week is now not taking clients for several months like 3-4 maybe!!! Idk where else to go that takes MA I am so pissed that I talked to them like 10 times, went over all the horrible stuff that made me have panic attacks for days,they promised me a spot knowing full well I really really needed to be seen & couldn't afford anywhere else so then I call up & get this rude lady who doesn't seem to give a shit about anyone!!!!!!!!!!! It was all I could do just to say good bye politely before I said something I would regret. U think someone at a place like that would have a little more compassionate! I think she needs to find a new job. Plus still having med troubles after many many calls finally got my pcp to prescribe my Effexor until I figure a psychiatrist out thankfully although that brought up lots of other questions with him. Just so tired of this shit . I need more than Effexor my depression is getting worse again having some not so good thoughts of wanting to self harm again & the o.c.d is driving me up a wall!!!!!!!!! I can't keep just making it by every day it isn't working I can't even begin to work on healing because I am so busy just getting through the next 5 minutes without losing my mind . Why doesn't anyone see how bad it really has gotten? I have had several mini meltdowns the last few days where I just feel completely overwhelmed & like I am not gonna make it through the night without being picked up by men in little white coats!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is the worst feeling I have ever experienced up until now in my life. Such deep emotional & physical pain I need a hug or to just be held but no one in this house would do it & it wouldn't help anyway. End up in the fetal position many many times a day just hoping & praying for the end to come to relieve my pain but it doesn't!!!!!!!!!! Past the point of wanting to die I just want to cease to exist at all…not sure if that makes any sense it is a very weird feeling of being disconnected from yourself! How do u all do it day in & day out???