My hands are cold. I do wonder if this is circulation problems, but i have been playing on the Wii for the past two hours… could have been the claw-like way you have to hold the wiimote.


Yes Problems. If i said to you (general sweeping you here), "you have enough money for it, do you want to buy a computer or not", you'd form a decision, within minutes maybe, and there you go. That is natural, normal, correct. I don't. I spent the afternoon with a pressure-based headache, from stressing out, if i should buy an EeePC or not.

Seriously. I just put £220 in the bank, and i've been thinking about having one of those mini laptops mainly because it's a great "bedside" computer (I use my PDA, but since the power to USB plug broke, i have to charge it up via the PC, and it only lasts an hour or so on full charge), it's light enough to carry around in a bag without my shoulder getting sore,  and it's something i can just port around, to town, downstairs, over to my friends, etc. However, that £220 can go into my savings account, giving me £900. Not sure what to do with the savings, but hey, that's what it's there for, to gather dust, moths and interest… right?

To add to the confusion, Asus are upgrading it in April, the 7" screen will be 8-9", the motherboard stuff will be upgraded so it's faster and runs at a lower temperature, thus negating the whining noise of the fan, and so on and so forth. But that's three months away, and i'm seeing a use for it NOW.

So. Yeah. I have points for and against it, and it's got to the point where my head hurts thinking about it. it got so bad, i dug out the Fluxotine the doctor gave me half a year ago, and took one.

I MEAN SERIOUSLY. Getting stressed over life, over money worries, over loved ones, fine. Getting stressed over a stupid piece of plastic and silicon chips, is NOT fine.

The other problem, is that someone kicked our door the other night. Kids. We used to have a problem with gangs going up and down the street, two or three years ago, they smashed two of our windows. They'd go up the street throwing bricks at the windows. I got to the point where as soon as the front-PIR light went on, i'd jump up, run upstairs and spend minutes in the darkened bedroom window, watching them. Every noise, every movement i saw out the corner of the eye, i'd jump at, and it really screwed me up. Just starting to recover from that… and they kick the door. Their footprint is on the door. I am desperately trying to rationalise it, but i can't! Last time we had hassle, they were throwing stones at everyone's house, going up the street. I could justify that, they hadn't picked on US, they were indiscriminate in their chaos. But a footprint on the door, that's direct.

Last time this happened, i didn't leave the house for… i dunno. I refused to leave the house. We had to order in shopping from online. Now, i'm starting to get edgy again… teetering on that pit of despair  where the next thing those bastard hoodie kid gang does, will push me back in, and i'm going to spend the next two years refusing to go outside. Last time this happened, i went onto the suicide newsgroups, and was this | | close to dying… I had found someone in the UK who wanted a suicide buddy, had a good way out, and if it wasn't for someone who liked my old dating profile and messaged me, i don't think i'd be here. I'm not the "OH I R COMMITING SUICIDEZ LOL!" kind of person. I don't believe in wasting the effort or initiative in half-arsed attempts… but he had a method that would have worked (i think), and this is what they drove me to. I'd rather die, than have to live in fear.


Bleh. This went from "oh here's something" to "blahblahblahEMO". 


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