Yesterday afternoon, I happened upon a show called “Obsessions”, dealing with two people with OCD and their efforts to regain control by use of exposure and other cognitive therapy.
Through the years, I have thought about OCD from time to time, but it wasn’t until a few months ago, when I was reading a book and came across a description including repetitive prayer and/or recitation that I realized it might really apply to me. I thought that was just one of those crazy things I did and had no reason to think anyone else did it.
So . . . aside from the compulsive prayer, I’m also a horrible hoarder – my bedroom is a filthy disaster area. Sometimes I’m haunted by thoughts that I’m going to come in the house wrong and my precious cat will escape and I’ll never see him again. I have other obsessive thoughts, but I don’t think I’m ready to share those yet. As it is, this is the most I have ever spoken about this to anyone (and I’m not sure this counts, since I’m not using my name). My roommate knows about my bedroom of course, but she writes it off as my desire to “cocoon”.
Watching the show yesterday led me to their website, which led me to this one. I spent hours last night reading this site with tears streaming down my face and I actually typed a lengthy blog, but when I tried to post it, I guess I had taken too long because the site timed out (that’s what I get for not saving).
Just typing this in the safety of my own room (and posting it, if I gather the courage to do it) is terrifying and exhausting. Clearly, the idea of trying to go to a therapist about this is far beyond me at the moment. Not sure where I go from here, but I just wanted to say hi, and I guess I do know that I belong here.
it sounds like you might be in the right place, i know i can definately realate to what you are going through. by the way, the compulsive praying thing is called scrupulosity, it might be helpful to read up on, that might be a good place to start, welcome!
Welcome, I’ve been here since last July and have found many friends with many ideas to help me or to just listen to me. It’s nice to have a group of people that understand what you are going through. Finding a therapist that knows anything about OCD is hard, so take your time and find the right one for you and only when you are ready to do so. I watched that show too and I could only hope I could find therapists like that.