Well, it’s Friday morning, in the middle of August….WHERE has the time gone, this year???? *sigh It kinda scares me, just to think about: how much time has passed; how little i feel i’ve changed/improved/etc.; and simply trying to make any plans, at all, since $$ is required for everything! But, as with all things: it is what it is–i am in the present, at this moment–not the past nor the future…. (beat a dead horse, much? lol)
Marty’s off again today, which may be a good thing, considering how yesterday afternoon went. i know he despises going to the doctors’ office, since it really does take sooo long to just go there and come back, via transit, for now. Plus, he also “had” to go to Walmart, on his way back, since he “needed” energy drinks. i know it’s just another crutch–i get that–but, at the same time, well, it’s really frustrating. Oh well…. He also had me post a message for him, this morning, stating how he’s feeling about his addictions–the feeling of going out or/and of suicidal feelings. He got a response from the guy who owns/runs the place Marty used to stay at–a sorta half-way “house.” And, Marty’s now got another engagement–he’s supposed to speak at the evening meeting on Tuesday, for the guys who live there. i wish i knew a better? more effective? healthier? way to process this, but i also feel like i have the right to my own ideas and understanding…. Should i react differently, concerning how much Marty talks about other females, especially the one he lived with before coming to Wilmington? –Yes, he did stay with her for over a decade, but at the same time, they were NOT married, and he’s even explained their relationship as more of a friendly situation, than a couple. *sigh i also know he does talk…a LOT….but, that’s OK, too. Anyway, i guess i just don’t want to exert so much energy simply due to jealousy…. i do NOT want to feel jealous, nor upset over his past relationships, anymore than i want him to, over mine. The past is just that–the past–it’s gone and done with. More energy/effort needs to be available for NOW/and the future. woooooooooosssssssssssssssssssssssaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh i am not a jealous person. i am understanding. i try to be a better person, daily. i try to help others, whenever i can. It’s another gray morning: already thundering and raining. But, that’s gotta be OK, too, since it is what it is. i think the rain’s taking it’s toll on my body, again… My knee’s bothering me–the left one, this time–and i woke up with my right ring finger hurting, too, for some reason. Guess we’ll see how this day goes.