I need to constantly remind myself to take one day, one step, one breath, at a time.  Deep down I know the world will not come crashing down as a result of this.  I hate this constant struggle, fear, and confusion.  The worrying is not doing me any good, nor anyone around me.  The fear is overwhelming me right now, Lord give me strength. 

 Apparently I am not crazy since she let me go after my appointment.  I am not bi-polar, according to my husband anyway.  I find it odd that he sees me so differently than I see myself.  I keep so much inside of me.  I know this is not good.  I have tried to get better, and sometimes it works, most of the time I go back to my old habits.

I have meds now, Wellbutrin, which is making me anxious, tired, giving me an upset stomach, and some other minor issues.  I can deal with it.   I would be curious if anyone can share their experience with it.

As I am going along this journey, I can’t help but feel like it’s all together but it really is not.   Am I living two lives simultaneously, one is overshadowing the other, but somewhere the two meld.  I re-read this post and it is just rambling , a splattering of words, most of which probably dont make sense to anyone but me.  I guess that is alright, because it is what it is.

The fear has been stronger in the past few days.  When I am afraid, I hide.  I am trying to change this today, now.  Break the chains, bust open and run outside, what is the worst that can happen? 

And really, it’s okay if nobody wants to talk to me.  Somehow I have gotten myself to this point.  Somehow I will move on.