Tell me what you feel just so I can tell you it's not real.
How ever could I invalidate your emotions further? Seriously I wonder this from time to time. It doesn't matter much I guess, do I… without intention do I subconciously talk down to people?I've been told that I do such things that make people feel like their opinions are wrong or invalid. Personally I think it's for shit and people can't take any form of opinion other than there own. If they have a thought and you don't agree with it you immediately are trying to hurt their feelings, they can't just accept that you don't agree. Beyond that though… I've come to accept that I am and will always be a failure, a nothing in this world. The sad fact that i've tried to deny all my life… all my life… tell me exactly how is it, or better yet when does one come to realize they will be a waste of life energy in this world? I've known for some time, I don't know how or exactly when I knew but I have known for awhile now. What does one do with this knowledge? Many say it's just a 'feeling' but the proof is in the facts, I'm going on 22, I'm unemployed, I'm a failure at everything I do and i'm worth nothing to everyone. They can apply some emotional worth to me if they wish but the fact is if I die everyone elses life would be unchanged or better, they would have one less person to spend money on and care about as they watch them fail… of course someone tell me this, why is it that people attempt to make you feel better about your failures by telling you can do better? I'm me, I know how good I can do and by telling me I can do better just tells me that my best is so shitty that you believe I'm not doing my best. WONDERFUL… So back to my prior inquery. What is one to do with this information? Hope? Please hoping for a better future than what you are written in for is like hoping for money to appear out of thin air into your hands. Try? You must be joking, trying just means your tired and upset when you get the same results as doing nothing. as said the next option, Do nothing? well this is the most sensical choice, simply let life drift by. Watch others live their life and let them enjoy everything you can never have or do… but it's so enraging, why them? Why me? Seriously I want to know… if I can't have a decent life and have any talent why should they… Hmm, Suicide? Seems almost cliche doesn't it? "Goodbye Cruel world!" Of course in my case it would be more like "Fuck you, you piece of shit fucked up putrid horror of a world!" but either way, it's the most tempting in many aspects. I KNOW I am a failure, I know I will end up (if I'm lucky) in some dead end job that will never afford me a nice place to live, the car I want or the things I desire and this in turn will lead to unhappiness because why am i bothering to slave myself for the all mighty dollar if that torment of 8 hours a day(or more) that I hate, doing some pointless job just so I can survive and get nothing I want? bullshit. That's if I'm lucky, most likely I'll end up homeless at some point. I know my life is and will always be defined by failure and petheticness, so maybe I should kill myself, AFTER all, If I'm going to die a waste of space why does today or tommorow make a difference?… Hmm, then we come to my favorite question. Do something about it?… Remember though Try and this are two different things, you see Try means go against all odds and accomplish something, even with all of world and even God himself trying to fuck me over I will get one thing I want and make something of this life, that is try and that is impossible. Do something about it though means level the playing field, if the world won't let me be happy playing by it's rules I just substitute my own. A life is a terrible thing to waste, but tastey to end. If the world feels that I should be miserable and that it should let others live wonderful lives instead of me… maybe I should do the fair thing and takes their lives in honor of the one I was never given… balance it out. Find them and remove them from this world in a effort to balance out this fucked up equation…. that's the most curious question, this system is so broken… if you just throw it out of balance a little, what will happen?…. I'm not sure anymore…


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