27 years today I have been on this planet, and for 27 years I haven’t known why. Why am I here, why was I born? To life my life forever alone?
Last year I had a big party…but I had to throw it for myself. This year, I have no friends, and today has been full of cleaning, giving my dog a bath, returning clothes to the mall, and now I am going to eat my "birthday dinner" of Taco Bell and watch movies the rest of the night.
At least I got birthday cards from my parents, grandparents, and new roommate. But man. The only person who even called to wish me a happy birthday was my ex boyfriend. I miss him alot now. I wish he could be here just to hold me and let me cry and make me feel like I matter to someone. I am so tired of my life. I was supposed to be married at 23, but not only am I not married, I don’t even have just a guy FRIEND, much less a boyfriend, to take me to dinner. I’m not asking for much. Some people’s friends throw them parties. I just want someone to call and say Happy Birthday and maybe say we should do dinner or something.
I guess I got a ton of people say Happy Birthday on my Facebook wall but that’s just what people do.
It’s really odd, not even my parents called me today and by now they are in bed. How am I not supposed to be depressed? I am trying to find something positive in this situation but it hurts so bad. I wish I could die, I don’t want to be alone anymore. It’s been a year since I had friends, and I can’t go another year alone again.
This guy that I dated last weekend and made out with came by to pick up his water bottle that he’d left and said bye with a peace sign. No kiss, no happy birthday…what is THAT about?!! GOSH I don’t get guys. So lame, so many users. But somehow I can’t help but keep trying to find someone. They make me feel like I matter even if its only one night.