Hey my buddies. Its been a while since I've been on here. There has been a lot going on over the past couple months. Eric and I have been house hunting like crazy, we found a house we loved, he put a bid on it (I have no money yet) and when the inspector came to look out it, we found out that the entire exterior of the house, including the roof, the oil tanks and the pipes had to be replaced, so we ended up not getting the house. That was really sh*tty. It did wonders for my OCD, telling me things like, " You and Eric aren't meant to be together, that's why the house didn't work out…." and so on. So then we kept house hunting anyway and now we found another house that Eric is going to put a bid on. I also went out about 4 weeks ago and dropped off my resume at a bunch of floral shops and one of them called me back. I was really happy and really excited and now I'm in my 2nd week working there. I really like it, but its only a temp position until June. Still, things seemed like they were going alright…then last Friday, my 22 yr old brother, OD'ed on a drug called 4mmc and was rushed to the emergency room. I was at work, and my youngest brother called me and told me that my brother was acting crazy and that he was rolling around on the floor screaming things that didn't make sense…so I left work and found my front door open, and cops inside my house, surrounding my brother on the floor. I rode in the ambulance with him and he ended up spending the night in the hospital. Thank God, he's ok…he's home now, but I still feel like I'm out of it…I feel almost shocked to where its hard for me to feel anything. On top of that, that same week, my best friend Micheal and I got into an argument because of some stupid crap. First, his birthday was this weekend and for some reason, he wanted to make it into a huge, expensive, party that he should have known Eric and I can't afford to go to, since we're buying a HOUSE, and on top of that he KNOWS me and that I hate big crowds, especially the trashy people he was inviting to his party who I knew from hight school, who I never liked. I told him that I didn't want to go to it and that I would do something else with him for his birthday, but that wasn't good enough for him. Then, before that day, he started bringing up the wedding to me, which is fine, but then he wouldn't stop, he kept going and saying things that were hurting me that he KNEW were hurting me, to the point where even his own mother came in the room and told him to shut-up. Later that week, when he found out that I was mad at him about that night, he went crazy and started calling my house phone non-stop from different phone numbers, calling Eric's phone from different phone numbers, and calling my phone from different phone numbers, non stop to the point where it was scary. Then when I finally answered his phone calls, he told me that I have no right to be mad at him and then when I told him that I have every right to be, he hung up on me and then sent Eric text messages about me, telling him that I'm crazy and that I want to keep him away from other girls and that's why I didn't want to go to his b-day party. Then, he messaged my mother on facebook and told her that he feels so sorry for her that she has to deal with me and that I need a lot of help, "more help than he could give me." Then, he continued to tell her what an awful person Iam….this was supposed to be my best friend. This past week has just been a living hell and on top of that, the stuff that Micheal said to me is still haunting me about Eric and this wedding. This past March was a year that we've been engaged and Eric refuses to even talk about the wedding. He says that its the LAST things on his mind right now since he's buying this house all by himself and since we're going to be really broke for a while. He said that he's stressed out enough about the house and money, that he can't even begin to think about a wedding right now…my shrink who is really helpful (except for this part) is a Christian counselor-so he's always asking me about the wedding. I go to him because he's the ony therapist I've ever been to who has ever made me feel better…but when it comes to the wedding, he just makes me feel worse…he thinks we shoud be married by now….I don't know what to think…about anything anymore…is my brother going to be ok? Does Eric want to marry me or is he trying to bs for as long as he could? Should I do something about this and tell him that I'm going to leave because I know that he's screwing me around? What is going to happen? What if my brother ends up killing himself? I'm scared and I don't even have my best friend

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