I am really tired, and wide awake.  I need to detox my diet, as well, I think.  I feel so disgusting from only eating junk food all the damn time.  I’ve turned into a total junk food vegetarian. 

Talked to Ace tonight…  that always helps.  And, for once, I wasn’t freaking out too badly.  It was kind of nice.  I know I’ll still have bad nights, but it’ll also be nice not predictably turn into a basketcase, every night, at 10:00 pm (like a carriage turning into a pumpkin at midnight).

"Truth that starts as understanding finds you in the night
And circles all around the ceiling – a frightened bird in flight
After spending hours beneath it, everything comes clear
Truth will pose no danger to you, what hunts you both is fear"

I’ve always loved this song.  I know I need to sleep soon.  I need to get my mind to stop racing.  Just need to brush my teeth, lay down, and close my eyes.  I just need to wake up, and start over, again.  I haven’t f@cked up, yet, but I’ll need some rest to get through tomorrow. Just have to lay down, and close my eyes.

Then, I just have to try to relax.  And, I can only think of one way to do that.

Breathe…

Slowly… 

deeply… 

calmly… 

until I relax…  and drift off to sleep.

I haven’t messed this up, yet.  Maybe, Ace is right.  Maybe, I really am gonna make it this time.  I’m rarely optimistic at this time of night.  I am a bit ancy, and my joints are feeling odd, but I’ll take some more meds.  Hopefully, that will help.  Need sleep…

"And all the while there’s dogs a-barking
Streets are talking out my window
Out the light and the snow is flaking, hearts are breaking
Words are making a mess out of these
Thoughts I’m thinking, boats keep sinking

It’s drown or keep drinking

And if this darkness came from light
Then, light can come from darkness, I guess"

(Mason Jennings, "Drinking As Religion," and yes, I know, I’ve used this one before – but, it’s damn good)

Wrote this in the late hours, last night, then passed out without hitting "submit."  So, here it is.

Thanks,

Kit