I am really tired, and wide awake. I need to detox my diet, as well, I think. I feel so disgusting from only eating junk food all the damn time. I’ve turned into a total junk food vegetarian.
Talked to Ace tonight… that always helps. And, for once, I wasn’t freaking out too badly. It was kind of nice. I know I’ll still have bad nights, but it’ll also be nice not predictably turn into a basketcase, every night, at 10:00 pm (like a carriage turning into a pumpkin at midnight).
"Truth that starts as understanding finds you in the night
And circles all around the ceiling – a frightened bird in flight
After spending hours beneath it, everything comes clear
Truth will pose no danger to you, what hunts you both is fear"
I’ve always loved this song. I know I need to sleep soon. I need to get my mind to stop racing. Just need to brush my teeth, lay down, and close my eyes. I just need to wake up, and start over, again. I haven’t f@cked up, yet, but I’ll need some rest to get through tomorrow. Just have to lay down, and close my eyes.
Then, I just have to try to relax. And, I can only think of one way to do that.
until I relax… and drift off to sleep.
I haven’t messed this up, yet. Maybe, Ace is right. Maybe, I really am gonna make it this time. I’m rarely optimistic at this time of night. I am a bit ancy, and my joints are feeling odd, but I’ll take some more meds. Hopefully, that will help. Need sleep…
"And all the while there’s dogs a-barking
Streets are talking out my window
Out the light and the snow is flaking, hearts are breaking
Words are making a mess out of these
Thoughts I’m thinking, boats keep sinking
It’s drown or keep drinking
And if this darkness came from light
Then, light can come from darkness, I guess"
(Mason Jennings, "Drinking As Religion," and yes, I know, I’ve used this one before – but, it’s damn good)
Wrote this in the late hours, last night, then passed out without hitting "submit." So, here it is.