since i was little or shall i say as far back as i can remember, i have always been a sad little girl. I never smiled in pictures and if i do its fake. i've written about my mom and my dad and how they took my childhood from me. ive lived with so many people over my life time. the worst was when i was in foster care.

My first foster home that i went too was hell. the girls there hated me and she made my life hell. I even had to return to school in that home with less than a month of school left. Everyone thought i was a nark. it was hard to go to school everyday.

My second home was with a older couple, my brother was in there home and i wanted to be with him. I remember the foster dad telling me that if i ever make a accusation against him like i did my step dad he'd kick me out. that was not the first person not to believe me. .

My last home home where the girls teased me often. I even got bullied at school. i was walking home and this group of guys grabbed me and pushed me down to the ground. I even knew one of the boys. I cried all the way back to my foster home. i didn't understand why.

so in my 3rd home is where i finally talked to my dad. I hadn't seen or spoken to him since i was little girl. This is also when art came into my life. Art was the guy who came from NY, he had this i'll kick anyone ass and maybe take names later if i have too. He was fun, caring, protective. He became my best friend. He became the person i trusted most in the world. He became the first man i loved. But i didn't know how to love. I was never shown how to love. I remember things back then in a way he doesn't. My memory was never so good. So in my last home my dad gets wind of whats happened to me. LSS, he came to get me. I ran away with him, he did not have custody the state did. He hid me from the police at least a month. He became my knight on the white horse. The second man, i ever loved.

I need to finish this story cause i have to get out what im feeling cause its messing up my marrige but i can't right now. Im on the edge and im ready to jump. I would rather die right now then have all this pain.