One day, two planes land at an airport. President George W. Bush gets out of one. A man wearing a white robe gets out of the other and starts walking away. The Pesident catches up to him, and says, "Excuse me sir. Are you Moses?" the man keeps walking. The president follows him. "Excuse me sir. Are you Moses. The man keeps on walking. The president runs ahead of the man and stops him, repeating himself once more. "Excuse me sir. Are you Moses. finally, the man stopped and replied, "Yes, but the last time i talked to a bush i ended up wandering the desert for 40 years."
A new pastor was doing his rounds visiting the homes of his parishioners. At one house it was evident that someone was within but no one answered his repeated knocks. Eventually he wrote on the back of a calling card: ‘Revelation 3:20’ and stuck it to the door.
The following Sunday he was surprised to find his card in the offering plate. Below his writing was scrawled: ‘Genesis 3:10.’
He reached for his Bible and thereafter broke into gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 – “Behold, I stand at the door and knock…”
Genesis 3:10 – “I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked…”
I Don't Want To Go To Church!
A mother went to wake her son for church one Sunday morning. When she knocked on his door, he said, "I'm not going!"
"Why not?" asked his mother.
"I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "One, they don't like me. Two, I don't like them."
His mother replied, "I'll give you two good reasons why YOU WILL go to church. One, you're 47 years old. Two, you're the pastor!"
Forest Gump and St. Peter
When Forest Gump died, he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "Welcome, Forest. We've heard a lot about you." He continued, "Unfortunately, it's getting pretty crowded up here and we find that we now have to give people an entrance examination before we let them in."
"Okay," said Forest. "I hope it's not too hard. I've already been through a test. My momma used to say, 'Life is like a final exam. It's hard.' "
"Yes, Forest, I know. But this test is only three questions. Here they are."
1) Which two days of the week begin with the letter 'T'?"
2) How many seconds are in a year?
3) What is God's first name?
"Well, sir," said Forest, "The first one is easy. Which two days of the week begin with the letter 'T'? Today and Tomorrow."
St. Peter looked surprised and said, "Well, that wasn't the answer I was looking for, but you have a point. I give you credit for that answer."
"The next question," said Forest, "How many seconds are in a year? Twelve."
"Twelve?" said St. Peter, surprised and confused.
"Yes, sir. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd …"
St. Peter interrupted him. "I see what you mean. I'll have to give you credit for that one, too."
"And the last question," said Forest, "What is God's first name? It's Andy."
"Andy?" said St. Peter, in shock. "How did you come up with 'Andy'?"
"I learned it in church. We used to sing about it." Forest broke into song, "Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am His own."
St. Peter opened the gate to heaven and said, "Run, Forest, Run!" *
Ok ya'll … hope u enjoy …be back later to say nite nite … Shell