Hi guys so registartion for school started today and i dont know what to register for. 5 months ago i used to be so goal oriented and i knew where i was going but now i have no damn clue. after high school I went to a CC my first year was a ll prep stuff to get into this program that i wanted to get into, it was called New Media Arts. It was a two year degree. When i got in I was ecsatic. Soo happy to have gotten in. I busted my ass for my teachers and my self for two years in the program, put together a 2.5 min short with a team of 15 in one year. I was soo driven to do well, i got into a 4 year college where i wanted to earn my BA  dgree in 3d Modeling and Concept art. I moved in the summer to Sunnyvale with my uncle, I was there for a month, I got sick and depressed, came back home, left school behind and all my dreams i had dreamed for for the past two years. What was supposed to happen was that I was supposed to go to school on the mainland and do well, get a kick ass job and live on my own and have my gf move down to where I was and live life out there. but my depression came back so everything got scrapped. Im back living at home, I tried to go to school here in hawaii but i ended up dropping all my classes quiting my job that paid well, and now Im here stuck in a rut. Depressed trying to figure out who i am again and why im not who i was and what class to take next semester so i can be a full time student and get health insurence. I was thinking about more art classes… but i really think i should take classes that will help me earn a living. Im not working right now because I cant. I get anxiety when I have to leave the house so I dont leave the house much. I was thinking maybe a piano class but that wont help me in anyway. I have 2 more classes to take for my degree that i never finished before going up to the mainland. I tried to take one this past semester but had to drop it. I just dont know what to do with myself. Im not motivated todo anything I have ideas about what I want to do but im too scared to do them. Iwant to get a job in a bakery but I have to learn to leave the house first and be ok in order to do that. I just get so much anxiety. even talking about it freaks me out. I think ill cahnge the subject now.

My family is going on a trip to maui next monday. Im not goin with them because I dont want to be a drag. I dont want to go and feel depressed and be the downer while everyone is having a good time. But i dont want to be home alone. i might go stay with my grandma. im not sure. my grandfather died not to long ago and she is coping and i dont want to bring my negative energy to her house. its just awkward.

im going to bed.

-inks