Well here it goes. I am new to this site but I'm getting rather scared about the thoughts i have been having in the recent years are the way i react to small things as if they are life changing so i thought id try to help myself and see if i can overcome it. It is as if my brain wants to be jealous, anxious, nervous and sad all the time, using any excuse to make it so.

 

I had depression when i was younger and remember it very well, couldnt sleep, couldnt eat, couldnt get the constant knot out of my stomach and felt tired and helpless all of the time. Physical pain didn't bother me and it got so bad my mam took me to the doctors who advised her to pull me out of the school trip to France and keep an eye on me… i also got prescribed some medication but i can honestly say the whole thing is like a blurr to me. So ever since my grandad died, i have been feeling the same as i did when i was younger… this is making me scared. I am ok some of the time when I have my friends around me and I am not left to think too long, but as soon as i am alone, i slip back into the lonely feeling where everyone is out to get me and nothing i do is ever right and i generally feel like i used to feel. my friend keeps telling me I should see a doctor and get help, but i am sceptical because if it didnt really work the last time, why would it help now… Hence why i have joined this site; to try and start a new and by getting help off others instead of depending on medication which the doctor, who cannot understand how i am feeling, prescribes.

 

I am constantly wondering if I just sound like i am moaning all the time and that i am pushing my friends away so dont think i am looking for sympathy and attention because i am the exact opposite as my family dont even know about my feelings and thoughts as i have become so accustomed to hiding them. I am simply asking for some help as to what i should do since i am feeling scared and alone right now. 

thanks for taking the time to read this. 🙂

1 Comment
  1. bethb93 11 years ago

    hey, im sorry to hear that your dealing with this too.

    When I was depressed when i was younger, it was a blur because i was so out of my own mind that i didnt really think straight. the meds didnt have anything to do with the face that i cant remember, i just go through a state where i think all kinds of horrible things but when i am out of that state, i cant really remember what happened. the meds never really helped, i just learned how to cope with the feeling and learned new ways to calm myself down and forced myself to carry on day to day with hope that there was light at the end of the tunnel. after about a year, i thought i was getting better but it was just a short term thing as it seems to be back with a vengence but a totally different form. I am fooled into thinking that i am ok because i can have days where i feel fine and then something small happens and i am totally down again. I also have to feel the guilt of what i have done while I have been in one of my bad moods and have to look at scars everyday which remind me of it.

     

    i am glad to hear that medication worked out for you, as i did not find it made much difference although it may have been what helped me gain some will power to help myself.

    the only person I know to go and see is the family doctor as i am not sure where else i could go but to tell you the truth, they are pretty useless anyway because they couldnt even diagnose my wheat allergy properly for about 5 months.

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