ok so i resently had spinal surgery it has made it so i cant do 99% of my normal conpultion and reutails. while i was in hospital i started a new one and it spurised the shit out of me never in my life have i ever left that there where millions of tine germs that are there on my hands that will make me sicker. ive tryed to stop this and manage this. but that feeling that kind of ichens inside and anger mixed together is making it so my sleep patten is a complete reverces of the normal. im on sleeping meds that also act as a pain med and anti depressednt and even though ive been on them since i was 16 now out of the blow i keep forgetting to take them. its 2am and i know it takes 2hs for them to woke and i dont know if its worth it. ive also for started dreaming again its so amazing as a writer to dream. however i know the only time i can write is when im depressed.

so what do i do, i can't stand this feeling im allergic to the meds that are meant to stop it. i cant see my theropyst and my next appointment isn't untill novermber she told me after the surgery that it will be very stressful and that its ok for the OCD to win the problem is my body cant do the stuff and my mind cant deal with this. all i want to do right now is pluck hair(on my legs) prey the right way, cheack my heater is off, go up and down stares, re-orgise my room, and brush my hair for hours. i true hope that my back is better soon because i dont know how long i can last till a complete OCD melt down happens.