Hello Girls and Guys <–oops thats huge!! lol!!

Anyways, just thought I would give you an update. I couldn't believe it, was in therapy last Thursday replying to her questions when we say our goodbyes and I went to hold the second door handle when out of absolute nowhere I went "I can't" and burst into tears!! Oh my goodness I couldnt believe it ha ha! She must have put some suggestion in there somewhere, as we were chatting how I shouldn't hold it all in and have the "be strong" defence, when all of a sudden I go to leave, and I start to cry! I soon told myself off, which she said not to and I think she was pleased.

Anyways, since then, I left and went straight to my boyfriends house and there i stayed. I felt safe there, but also afraid. It seems I am always afraid of being yelled at or "told off".

I came home today as I have an interview tomorrow for a course to become a counsellor. My sister criticised me, she hasn't passed any qualifications as she always gives up but I never say anything to her! But, she apparently was saying loads of negative things about me to my mum, who decided to tell me the second I walked through the door.

It's reduced the confidence I hoped I had for tomorrow, and hope my family's criticism don't hinder my responses in my interview tomorrow as it needs to go well.

Anyways, I hope you are all well. Just thought I would offload on here, hope thats ok! My OCD is controllable when I am away from home – when i return, it goes uncontrollable and my anger inside and emotions are more apparent??

Thank you in advance if you read all this

Take care

Mandy

4 Comments
  1. stoneymahoney 10 years ago

    Oooh, ouch. Your sister may not realise it but that is one seriously vicious bitchy thing to do! And why? Because she doesn't get the "special attention" that people with OCD need (and would much prefer not to, I'm sure) and doesn't have the drive to see something through to the end? … Ok, if that's not what's going here, that's a bit judgemental. *bad kitty!*

     

    Sounds like you had a super-constructive therapy session though, go you! Got to be weird to be a therapist though, your patient collapses into tears on the way out of your office but that's a *good thing*… I'd hate to be the small child of one, you fall over and cut your knees open and while they patch up your wounds they tell you how positive punishment is all part of the development of your sense of balance and self-preservation and how proud they are of your progress… I'm doing it again! *bad kitty!*

     

    Hope I made you smile at least 😉

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  2. Mand862 10 years ago

    Hey 🙂

    I read your comment last night on my phone but it doesn't allow me to reply on this website with it so waited til now when on laptop.

    I am literally about to go out door for my appointment after me getting :'( lol last time, so hopefuly goes okay this time, know what u mean, if someone walked out my place crying i'd see as bad, but here, that seems to be the goal!!

    My sister doesn't realise alot of things, she is one of these people who gives up easy, so fact i havent, and carried on doing my degree etc, i think her mindset is, "it cant be that bad if she can do it cos if was she wouldnt be able to" whereas i am more a person where i will finish what i started even if makes me ill (i know this is somewhat bad)

    Your last sentence, did u mean, about getting sympathy but also told to toughen up on same breath?

    Hows things with u?

    xxx

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  3. stoneymahoney 10 years ago

    Hey you 🙂

    Sorry I didn't check for a while, been busy trying to get a job. Going pretty well so far 😉

    Apologies for the confusion too, I can be a little unclear sometimes. It's not so much about being told to toughen up, it's more like then knowing your brain is averse to the pain and you'll automatically fall over a little less often every time until you just kinda stop… I guess I just rambled a bit 😉

    Hope your session was good, I really should blog some time this week.

    Seeya xx

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  4. Mand862 10 years ago

    Thats ok 🙂 I just wanted to make sure I had understood, hence asking for clarification!

    Hows your week been? Well done on the job hunt!!

    Appointment was ok.  She not available for couple weeks as moving but we carried on doing inner child work and meditation too where she led me back.  Mum keeps worrying about me going back!! Pfft!!

    Anyways, I'll check your blog out soon, just a quick log on to reply to u 🙂

    Take care

    xxxx

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