Wow… what a morning. So yesterday, I simply refused to come to school. I couldn’t. I couldn’t even get out of bed. So when my father came to tell me I had missed the bus, I had my door locked. He, for some reason, allowed me to take a sick day without explanation. He just… left. Left for work, and left me alone, all day long. So I was trapped, in a sense, concealed by the walls of my own home like the bars of a prison. I knew if I even had the strength or will to drag myself from bed yesterday that I simply would not last… But then my brother got home from school, hating me for whatever reason, then my father returned from work, and all hell broke loose. He demanded a reason for my staying home, and I wasn’t about to tell him, because he NEVER understands. I know how cliché that is, but it’s true with my father. “Oh, I just could barely get up to use the bathroom I was so depressed. I wouldn’t have survived in school, with so many happy, normal people always judging me. I refused to go to school today because every thought I had today was of inflicting the worst kind of pain on myself because of the unbearable and unnecessary agony I felt inside, that’s all…” Yeah, right. If I even mentioned the word ‘sad’ to him, he’d explode and go on a rant about how I always get upset for attention. He would never get it. I told him I’d bring it up with him in my next therapy appointment. Definitely not happening. It’s next week and I know he’ll forget anyway. But the one thing I hate worse than trying to have a conversation with my father is trying to have a conversation with my father in front of a therapist. It’s literally impossible, and it pisses me off to no extent. So… yeah. Other than that, today is, so far, absolutely terrible. I’m not sure what I am and am not allowed to say on here, but… I have a policy, I guess, and I was literally about to pass out this morning, so I HAD to eat something. Anything over 50 calories, and I have to ‘punish’ myself. That’s just how I am. I had a 90 calorie bar, so when I got to school, I found a way. The physical pain tearing into me still doesn’t make up for the feeling of actually having something in my stomach. I can’t make myself get rid of it, though, because a.) that would entirely defeat the purpose b.) I really don’t think I have the strength enough to purge and c.) it wasn’t over 100 calories, which is my policy limit, so I’m not obligated to get rid of it. So if you haven’t already figured out, I’m really kind of screwed up… But I think I’m finished ranting, and class is just about over (yay! I managed to survive another hour!) so, uh, thank you for reading my non-stop complaining…