Why do people say things just to get a rise out of you. They know you are depressed. So why would they want to mess with your feelings like that. These are the people that say they love you. But if you loved me why do you do that?

Sunday my best friend Allison went back home. It was a lot harder then I thought it was going to be to say goodbye to her. I feel like I have lost her all over again! Sunday evening my ex-husband (asshole) calls. He KNOWS that I took Allison to the airport and he KNOWS that it would be hard for me to say goodbye. So knowing that I am in a sensitive state of mind why would you fuck with my feelings? Here is our conversation

Asshole – “Hi, was it hard to say goodbye to Allison?”

Me – “Yes. What do you want?”

Asshole – “Well I want to talk to you about a career change that I was thinking about doing.”

Me – “Ok.”

Asshole – “I was thinking about going back into the military. I wanted to know what you thought about that?”

Me – “I think it is a bad idea.”

Asshole – “Why?”

Me – Because you won’t see the kids. I don’t like the fact that you just want to go in and out of the kids lives. They are very young and these are the most important years of their young lives.”

Asshole – “Well I talked to a friend back east and he says there is a 20,000 sign up bonus and I could have my E4 pay again. And the life insurance policy the military gives me is great. If I die the kids will get half a million dollars.”

Me – Thinking (sometimes I wish you would die) “Well you can do whatever you want. I can’t control your decisions.”

Asshole – “Well I was talking to my mentor and he says the 20,000 bonus is a one time deal. And what good is a half million dollars if you are dead?”

Me – Silence (wishing he would just stop talking)

Asshole – “He told me if I just buckle down and persue “the business” then I could make 20,000 a year…every year.”

Me – Still silent (painting my toenails at this point)

Asshole – “Is everything ok?”

Me – “Yes.”

Asshole – “So I decided that I am not going to join the military!”

Ok! Why would a person say they are going to join and two seconds later say they are not KNOWING THAT from the beiginning of the conversation. My reaction

Me – “Are you trying to get a rise out of me?”

Asshole – “No I am done doing that.”

Me – “So why would you say you are going to join try and get me all upset then say you are not going to join afterall knowing that you were not going to join in the first place.”

Asshole – “I read this book and it was talking about how you can control your feelings. You can internalize it and make negative feelings go away.”

Me – WHAT THE FUCK! Is this guy serious? He totally avoided my question. “Im going to get off the phone now. I have to tend to MY children!” And I hung up before he could get another word in.

Asshole says he loves me still. But why would he hurt my feelings. He knows what he is doing. I know he is aware. I was with him for seven years. How could I not know? I think I just need to keep telling myself NOT to react. Let him just talk out of his ass and then just say “ok” and hang up!



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