Why is life getting no better i just don't understand 

I'm so frustrated with life, Struggling  with sleep again….. Can't sit still, i get distracted so easily i start a task and forget what i was suppose to be doing in the first place….. I can't seem to make decisions about  everyday things but yet i obsess about other things …..I feel  useless and a burden…. My family don't get i can't do social for long and try to force me to which makes me worse… i feel abnormal…I do have a really good friend who is there for me but she is going through her own stuff so i don't want to burden her..:-( i've put on weight which doesn't help but i don't seem to have the energy for anything……My care manager is useless she has been no help i feel so stuck and powerless 

I feel like i'm a passenger in my own body…. The last few weeks i haven't been feeling myself i don't know if i need a change in meds… alot of the anxious twitches have returned… i had a panic attack on the train on the way home last night…. i thought i was goina pass out…. 

Today i'm hiding away but i feel so sad … I have no life and no purpose 🙁

I will spend time with my nephew tomorrow so that will be ok 

I wish I had my confidence back so I could go to work…. It upsets me that i can't and I feel like my family want to pressure me to do something with myself but i can't i really can't….

I'm suppose to start counselling on wed for some issues but my friend thinks my mood is not good for this….I'm so divided i feel that i have to do it or my family will moan but im so not sure i will be able to handle it 🙁

sorry for rambling

hugz to allxxxx