I feel like Im braindead.  I dont know if its the effects of my years of drug abuse or what but I know its bad.  Ive come to the conclusion that Ill be a much happier person if I can figure out how to express myself and bring more people into my life.  I just dont know what to say anymore.  I woke up this morning to two old friends of mine walking into my house at about 1:30 in the afternoon.  Scared the shit out of my dog, and he jumped on the bed and went buck wild on them actin like he was going to bite, in which i was thoroughly impressed because hes always been very timid.  Im not sure how they got in, the only guess I have is that my brother didnt lock the door when he left earlier.

Anyways, they came in and hung out with me for a while, but I didnt really have anything to say to them.  I hadnt seen john in about 6 months and all I could come up with was "hows school?  U here on break?  What are you guys getting into tonight?"  I feel so caged in my own mind…I want to have things to say, but I always come up blank.  Nothing piques my interest anymore…and so I have nothing to talk about, ever…and it frustrates me to no end.  I dont even have any questions to ask.  I feel as if I could figure out how to be social, Ill be able to get outside of myself more and therefore find ways to distract myself from my way of thinking.  But I dont have anything to go on…Im the embodiment of Nihilism…


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