Well My mom has forgot about my depression…well no. Okay i suppose im not forgotten and my problems arent but theyre put on the back burner of everyones mind. I suppose really im not as important now…since im leaving for college in a year but i guess i just feel forgotten. Mom claims i need a psychologist but leaves me out of it cuz her douche bag ex (and father of my littlest bro) is well being a douche. (sorry for the language but its the only way to describe him) he sees my lil bro as a possesion rather than a son. A tool to use to get to my mom so he can play some wierd game.

Well hes moving 2 states away apparently and trying to make my 7 yr old brother choose between my mom and him. Which sucks. So moms gunna get Z(myylil bro)a counseler. Which I dont care I mean good he needs it more than me. Im a big girl now! and i do really mean that! his mind is very fragile and i dont want him to go through what i do so the sooner they get him someone to talk to the better!

But really in the last2 monthsi dont think ive been asked about how Im doing by my mom or even my step dad. Theyve been to obsessed with my little brothers situation, which is understandable. I mean they shoudl fight for him and help him now instead of me because ill be 18 in 6 months and out of the house in a year where as he will be with them at least 6 more years until he can choose a household where he my choose them or keep the same or whatever but i get it. Im grown up now. But i had this crazy idea they would still want to help me out with something other than finances once i was out of the house. Maybe i was wrong.

My dad who has depression and also not asked me or attempted to talk to me or encourage my mother to help me in the last uhmmm 4 months since hes been with his new gf and shes moving in. But i get it because i dont live there full tmie and he has his own life to attend to.

guess i shouldn't complain right? Im fine with being alone, happy with it actually. Just not that great with change sometimes…guess this is just a change. A ton of people have it alot worse than me. So really i just shouldn't even have this in my head.

I guess I totally get while im pushed to the back of their minds so why am I writing this? I dont even know. Guess i just needed it out there somewhere since i dont feel like i can talk to my sister anymore. after she found out i cut its just been…well it feels like there is some permanent distance between us now.

But im doing fine by the way…the mask I put on is hiding my true feelings as perfect as ever.


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