whats really going to happen next.I thought I had an idea,but I really didnt think it would get to this level of seriousness,but it has.I have done everything in my power to stop what has come about,I did evrerything right,but someone who is supposed to be the closest person to me has allowed bad things to happen,and of course I am in the middle,suffering and I cant stop it.Im really quite anxious about the future,but the only way I can keep it together at the moment is think of the massive personal growth I have acheived over the years and know Im an immensely strong person and I am just focusing on the now ,whats happening each minute so i dont go completely off the wall.I dont want my life to fail,and I really dont deserve it to as I have been through more hell than I care to think about but I have come thru it and Im still getting up every day and going to work,putting ona mask at work and to others so they dont know the reality.I have had to tell my one only other close friend i cant see them for a while as I am going thru bad things and i dont want them involved,they dont deserve to have to cop the crap in my life,they have been pretty good to me and I just dont think for a start they would comprehend the situation,they have lived too straight a life and thats OK,they are entitled to remain in their comfortable bubble and I dont want to even put the responsibility on them to think they gotta help me,even if they wanted to,its too heavy for them to do,even if they thought it wasnt.I cant get my head around what the other person whom has been in my life for 23 years is doing to me,when i begged them to see what they were getting themselves into,I live with them and they are in a terrible state and I cant help them anymore,Ive given them everything and they have taken from me and left me in a hollowshell.I am frightened they will snap from the pressure they have put on themselves and hurt me,I said this to them and broke down,this just made them angry,and now I try to say as least as i can.I still love them (never been romantic wise,just friend) but the hurt they have put me thru is shocking to me,I just dont understand,Im trying to see their point of view too but I myself would never have done this to them,I would and have,done all I could to pull them up but its getting to where I am scared of tomorrow,so I just must look at the now,its all any of us have ,just this very minute,the immediate present.I wonder if this way of thinking will save me,Im curious to find out and I must just know I havent learnt all this profoundness for nothing,Im not the person i have become for nothing,its got to be for something,its just GOT TO BE


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