Does this blog turn you off?
Do you have the compelled urge to skip this post?
Sometimes, I wonder whether I really belong on Depression Tribe. Some of you have it so bad, some of you are cracked apart and scattered into unretrievable pieces. Some of you are so empty, living is a bother. Isn't that how most of us feel? But some of you are extreme.
Hour by hour, day by day, and it's those people that I put above me in this site. Those people who need help more badly, who need a hand, people who've been through worse.
I feel selfish to worry about my episodes. Yes, they scare me, but they only come every once in a while. In the "normal" state, I show the mentality of BPD, but not to the extremes.
That's why I'm such a hypocrite, why I write so much cheerful crap on DT. "Have a good day," "I love [insert improper noun, verb, or random thing here,]" "Today is amazing."
Why do force myself to type in such a positive manner?
Because I force myself to [and accept] encourage others. I like the feeling of making sure a person know's they're important. [Though I wonder if y'all see through me.]
Each and every one of you is amazing.
If you think otherwise, I'll come over there and beat you up. :]
I also wonder about blogs. Every blog I see says "I," journalling-on other blog sites, there are a lot of people who use their blogs for news, gossip, images, and many other things.
That brings me to the thought, "what if everyone else doesn't like everyone else's blog? What if reading the summaries on the home page or blog page makes their face curl in disgust?"
Then, "What if they look at my blog like that? What if they hate my writing and ignore my blogs because they really don't care?"
Are we that self absorbed?
Some of us, perhaps. I believe that's a common mentality we hold.
That's not always a bad thing, though. All I know, is that I'm going to continue my attempts at spreading "love" around. No, not herpes, love. Happiness.
And I'll always be here as a listening ear.
My replies to your tragedy may sound fake or robotic, but trust me, they're not. I'll always sympathize when the time comes, I'll always understand and love when the time comes.
Well, now I've got to log off and sleep. :] Whooo, I get to wake up at 3 am, to fly to Nebraska tomorrow. 😀
Have the most amazing weekend ever, guys.
Bye Depression Tribe, see you in 10 days.