As I sit here tonight, feeling miserable, I'm finally ready to admit to myself that I am in need of help. This is, by far, the worst night I have had in a very long time. I feel helpless, as if nothing will ever fix me. All I want is to marry a nice guy and to have a couple of kids. I don't expect that much, but the good guys never want me. I'm always involved with bad men, and the reason is that they're the only ones who will pay me any attention. It's usually not good attention, but it's the best I can get. Who would really want someone who is messed up like me? I don't blame them. They have their lives together and I don't. Why should they waste their time. More than anything I just want my life back. I hate what this has done to not only my life but lives around me. My family, who I used to be so close to, don't want anything to do with me anymore. I have very few friends, and it's all from my bad choices I've made. Do you know how heartbreaking that is? They may think that I don't care, but I do. I act as though I don't because it's easier than facing the truth. It's hard knowing that I ruined the relationships I had with people I love so much. I feel like a failure, and a total loser. I wish I could just snap my fingers and be normal and live like everyone else does, but I can't. I try to get better, but then I get worse. I'm tired of just sitting here watching my life pass me by. I just don't know what to do to change anything. I don't usually 'break down' but tonight I'm broken.