This week has been awful anxiety-wise, while everything else in my life is great. Good family, good job, wonderful boyfriend, and Im quitting smoking. Then I wake up and instantly feel like a dark cloud is following me but no one else can see it, or feel it. To explain it to someone who doesnt have anxiety is pointless and I just sound crazy. But there is just the awful feeling all day that isnt triggered by anything, its just there. Dark and foreboding, it makes me want to isolate myself. Its been so long since Ive had anxiety this badly that it makes me feel like Im going crazy all over again. I feel like Im going to destroy everything around me because right now I can barely handle anything. I feel like Donnie Darko, alone and scared and the only one able to see the dark things around me. Then some days Im perfectly fine. I dont understand where its coming from and I cant find the trigger. My Mom thinks Ive had way too much to deal with this year, and I agree, but I didnt think the stress would eventually amount up to this relapse or crisis or whatever it is thats made itself comfortable with me. Today is my day off, and Im sitting around brooding because Im just a little too tired of everything today. Its not often that I get really depressed or angry, but today Im angry that this has come back with such a vengeance. I should be out with my boyfriend having fun because he has the day off too, but Im not. Ive only had 4 cigarettes in the past 3 days so Im sure thats where the crankiness and irritability is coming from, but its time that I quit. I should probably find a therapist or counselor ASAP before I ruin the good things in my life, if this condition is here to stay. My Mom says I should go to church, and I get it, but really I just need someone to talk to. Anyways, Im just angry and venting today. I hope everyone has a good weekend, and if it has started off badly then I hope you have it in you to fight to make it better. I'll try again tomorrow, Ive been fighting all week and Im tired.