So I saw my therapist last night and it did help some. She taught me some tricks that help lower my anxiety and help with panic attacks. They're a little weird, but they do work…the one that I find the most amusing is doing the tarzan thing by beating on my chest, just not as hard. She said that it kicks in the limbic system in your body which brings down your anxiety levels when you do it.

I'm proud of myself because I've gotten through the desire to cut myself without doing it. Today it's still gone and I'm hoping it means I'm coming out of this depression I've been in. Whatever the case may be I'm feeling a little better and I'll gladly take it.

I'm still isolating myself and I'm very forgetful right lately. I wonder if that's a side effect of the Abilify or Cogentin (the forgetting things). I hope it gets better, and I hope the dry mouth problem gets lesser and lesser as the days pass. My psychiatrist warned me that I would probably have problems with this. But it's hard to chew food because there's not enough saliva in my mouth. It makes things like bread almost impossible to eat. It also makes it hard to talk sometimes.

I'm home alone today for quite awhile. My husband came home and then he and our son went to his work Christmas party and then to his Mom's to drop off some gifts since we're not going to the family party tomorrow. That's fine, at least Aaron and Zach will have a good time at Grammy's house for a bit. But like I've said before ~ I'm finished trying to please her. I am who I am and I'm not changing for anyone except me. If they don't like me that's just too bad.

It has finally cooled off here. Right now we're in the low 60's and tonight the low is supposed to be in the 30's. It's going to be a campfire night. :-)Both Zachary and I love it. We've been waiting for a cold enough night to do it.

Aaron and I spent the morning making cookies (they're chocolate/peanut butter and oatmealno bakes cookies) which was pleasant. I had forgotten how well we work together when we try. Both of us are control freaks but we concede to one another's ideas ocassionally. The cookies turned out great and we made a HUGE one for his little sister to take to college with her when she goes back. It's the size of a pie pan, lol. She'll love it.

I also did a little bit of wrapping presents this morning. I'm craving coffee so badly right now…maybe I'll make it with skim milk instead of creamer. Then I can have my coffee and not have all the calories in it. I wanat to drop the weight off that I've gained on the Abilify. If I cut out the sodas and carbs I'll be back down to where I was pretty quickly.

I was going to try to quit smoking for Christmas, but after talking to my therapist she said it wasn't a good idea right now considering I'm already depressed. She said I should wait until I'm feeling decent again; apparently there'sa higher risk of failing when you're depressed and it also makes your depression worse if you don't manage to stay quit.Oddly enough I HATE that I'm a smoker ~ it's going to kill me eventually if I don't quit and I don't want to die in my 50's.My grandmother did~ she was 58 when she died of lung cancer (she also smoked 3 packs a day). It'sone of the most awful ways to die that's preventable.

Well, a nap is calling my name soI'm going to go to sleep. Bless you all and thank you for your responses to my last blog. It makes me feel less selfish in hearing thatyoudon't mind my complainingabout the depression I've been in. You're all so supportive and kind ~ thank you so much. I hope you havea lovely day.