i was really pissed off this moring…my mum woke me up @7.30 to ask me whether or not i was definately going away with them to italy.  when i said no, (in a half asleep and tactful way) she gives me the big guilt trip "awww whyyyy?", half asleep and wanting a quiet life i say "oh okay then"!!!  and i got really annoyed and upset thinking that she had just totally manipulated me, and why do i let this happen?!!!

i consoled myself with the fact that it'll be a really cheap flight and if i have to pull out cos of my new business-it wont matter.  how wrong i was, it has cost over £100 for the flight (on a budget airline!), so im stuck going now whether im up to my neck in business stuff, personal stuff or whatever else. arrgggghhhh!

im 25 for christ's sake, a holiday with my parents (one controlling and one manipulative-if im being really brutal) in the middle of the italian countryside with no-one else around, is not my idea of a laugh!

i dont mean to come over all ungrateful but the past 11 months of being back home have been really hard.  im a different sort of person to them and we rub eachother the wrong way, all the time.  of course i love them and im grateful they took me in but they dont seem to get I AM A PERSON WITHIN MY OWN RIGHT, not just their jilted daughter.

i have started seriously looking for a houseshare with people my own age, this morning made me realise ive got to start taking control of my life back.

i hate bitching like this, i feel so disloyal but this arrangement really isnt healthy, if anything its fueling my anxiety and depression.

i always wonder is anyone else in a similar boat to me??? am i being out of order?