I think that i might have pushed it a little to far today with the piano thing. I thinkg i realized that im a creator not a rules and regulations person. Well im thinking this because, i was happily playing with my piano making stuffs up, matching sounds together and playing what feels good to me, then i thought hey maybe i have some of my old piano books i should take a look at them and see what i remember and see if i can find a song to play or learn to play one again. I open itup and i dont remeber anything from it, I tried to read and geta feel for it, tried to look at the notes but it was so forced… it just wasnt good… wasnt good at all… im just not that kinda person who has to do things liek that… i see it over and over again, i see it when i used to work, when i kept tyring to force myself i just break down. Its like i cant undersand how it works. Its so hard to explain, i feel restricted and that im doing itwrong and because i cant do it the way that they teach it or people learn it i feel like there is osmehting wrong with me. Idk i think i might have ruined my day by opening that book. Its difficult to explain… creating is freeing and idk idk what im trying to say i cant think right now i just know that i go upset and feel crapy. I feel like i dont fit anywhere. Im not sure what to do. Its not all things. cakes i can follow the directions on cakes. blah i just need to calm down. damn it! i guess i dont know how im supposed to fit into this world. I just dont fit.
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The Neurotic's Notebook
EyeMInsane, , Depression, Anxiety, Sleep Disorders, Suicide, 0
Neurotic Selections from The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960 by Mignon McLaughlin No good neurotic finds it difficult to be both...
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pinksparkles, , Depression, Anger, Depression, Religion, Sleep Disorders, 0
today i’m not really crying anymore which is supposed to be a good thing according to the professionals… and according...
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Considering suicide
xasthurfan, , Depression, Uncategorized, 1
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Now this is funny!! :)
brokenfairy_38, , Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, Relationships, 1
For all those(me included) who take too seriuosly, some of these are so funny, BUT true!! So, please read...
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darnitdawn, , Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar, Child, Sleep Disorders, Weight Loss, 1
I feel numb. I should feel nothing but joy. Thenightmare we have lived withfor thelast year is finally over....
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Welcome to My Journey
bossyk, , Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Career, Parenting, Religion, Self Esteem, Therapist, 0
Thanks for your comments and insight. Hopefully by sharing our experiences it will help in the process of healing...
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Giving Up
JewJew, , Depression, Anger, Child, Depression, Relationships, Suicide, 1
Its been a year and almost five months since I was diagnosed with Major Depression. I didn't agree with...
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Year in review
Brandnewmessiah, , Depression, Relationships, 1
Ok well so we are wrapping up a new year here soon so I figured I'd kinda review all...