Hi everyone,

This is my first blog. Wanted to let everyone get to know me first. A few words about myself first: I’m a resident physician in an intense internal medicine program somewhere in the united states. All my life I wanted to be someone ‘special’ and work towards making a difference in my life and other’s lives. I wanted it ‘all’ a great career, social life, family and ofcourse happiness. But feel that I have none of this. I’ll fast forwards my life to the age of 17, where I starting working towards this goal. I sacrificed so much to get here. To get to where I am… the parties I didn’t go to, the studying, the lack of exersing… the relationships I kept. I maintained an eight year long distance relationship of convinience while I was studying.

Now all should fit into place, I’m where I ‘want’ to be. Working rediculous hours per week, my partner came to live with me, can’t say I’m happy though. And the messed up thing is that I don’t know what I want. Do I want this lifestyle, do I want my partner? do I want this life?

I look at old pics from a few years ago and see a beautiful girl, with a terrific body, incredible looks, and driven. I’m now a shell of myself, 20 pounds overweight, with little drive, my one goal is not to get fired from my job. I don’t have many friends in this new town of my residence.

I need to come up with a goal for myself, I need to loose this extra weight, I need to meet new people, I need to be happy… its hard… on the outside people might envy what "i have’ but I’m so miserable….

ok goals for today: work out! I’m going to try to spend at least 3 hours in the gym and go out and read a book 🙂

I’m going to try to improve my situation and figure out ‘what I want to do’….

Sam