Today was good till now, now I’m on my way, on my way to anxiety saddness and panic. No I’m already there. I keep reaching out to my old friends, but , they….I don’t know, our group used to do everything together, now it feels like  Im not invited to anything. They wouldn’t give me a second thought if I was gone. They are bitches and I hate them, hate them for being so cruel, hate them for loving life, I hate them because I link my life subconsicously to theirs.

I was gone for a semester….now everyone has moved on? No one realizes how hard this is for me to be all alone here. How selfish can you be? You deserve nothing good in your life. I say it, and only half mean it, because I’m waiting for them to open up and say they just felt awkward/guilty because of what they put me through last year. I want to feel valued not like some liability where people have to be like "oh jenna can’t know that we’re doing this tonight because we’re not inviting her". I hate that. I HATE IT. Why can I be treated this way?

I need advice….in a few days should I approach someone in the group and tell them I am feeling a little left out and that I would really appreciate being included…..or should I just try to keep asking them to hang out? This is the worst feeling, I hate them for imposing it on me, I would cut off my right arm to take it away, to take away the rejection.

It hurts really bad right now, I just want…..I don’t know, to be treated like a human being. The girls that were my best friends, that said they would still be here for me when I got back….have they changed their minds? Am I still the scapegoat? I want to curl up in a ball and die. I want to sleep, but I have night class. I want this to be resolved, to be over with. I don’t know how it will though. I am so sad, I want to go home