The sun is slowly beginning to rise, the first light of day illuminating the sky in a bluish-gray haze. Dark gray clouds mar the sky in bits and pieces. I am awake, and I have no idea why. It's supposed to be another drizzly, wet day.

With each passing minute the sky grows lighter and all I can think is "I need to go back to bed". Like a vampire, I am not ready to face the daylight yet. I have no interest in the world of the living right now. Most of them are asleep, except the few insomniacs like myself.

Hounds bay in the distance in protest against the coming morning, or in welcome ~ I'm not sure. Birds sing with hope swelling in their feathered breasts for the coming dawn. I make not a sound, I am a watcher.

Rats are chewing at the underside of the deck and it's making me crazy. The constant gnawing and skittering they're doing is nerve-wracking. But I can't kill them or chase them off; they're too bold and crafty. They are creatures of the night too, but they inspire fear in me. I don't know why. Not many animals do. Most creatures I object to tend to bite me ~ misquitoes, deerfly, etc. Things that walk on four legs don't usually give me the creeps. But something about rats sit with me wrong. Maybe because of the part they played in the black plague so long ago, maybe because they're carriers of diseases, or maybe its because they're just plain sneaky. They're all about the element of disguise and surprise. They don't like to be seen, so I don't trust them. What are they thinking in their little devious minds?

I enjoy this time of twilight, watching a new day start to arrive. It's so quiet and peaceful. I'm not required to be anything or anyone right now except me. Right now all the walls for defense have be taken down, all the angers I have quiet, all the expectations I have of me and others have don't matter. I have time to just be this creature that I am. I wish it lasted longer. At this moment I am quiet within myself. I live for moments like this.

Yesterday slowly got better. I spent time with my husband and son, did the grocery shopping and more laundry, and received a gift in the mail from a friend that was completely surprising. I love fairies, mermaids ~ any humanesque being that hasa beauty of it's own and a mythical element. On Facebook I had been posting pictures of a specific artist who's work I loved. And this friend, knowing how hard a time I've been having, bought me one of her prints to cheer me up. It was a beautiful mermaid peeking over her shoulder. I almost cried. It was so kind and unexpected and gorgeous. It made me wake up and realize that I do have a lot of friends that care about me, I've just been focusing on the ones that have been making me miserable. It's time to shift perspectives.

I also got a call from my work and they asked me if I wanted to come in and cover for a few hours. I ended up with 4 hours, which was more than originally asked for, but I was really grateful to have it because that's money that we can use. I hope that before Wednesday they call me again to fill in another open shift. Then I'll have a decent paycheck. I also turned in my available hours for the next 2 weeks. It feels good to know I'll be working again ~ the realization that I'm bringing home some income makes me feel better about me.

And to all you friends out there that have been so kind, sweet, loyal and caring ~ you make being here on Dtribe worth it. I know I have self-worth outside of my friendships, (like one friend suggested I think about to help me) I guess I'm just still looking for my niche'.

Well, the sun's almost risen so I will go crawl back into bed before it completely climbs into the sky. If it's still partially dark I can go back to sleep. I wish you all the best Sunday you can have, and thank you for being here for me. ((HUGS))


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