I have had a few busy days and a hectic couple of weeks.  Which reminds me a big apology to everyone who i haven't got back to  – sorry guys!  I have started helping out at a local youth group and i have loved it.  I have been helping out most days and I have made new friends, its got me out of the house, and it has got me doing things and enjoying life again.  I almost feel like things are back on track and expect for a few small things.  But they will fall into place soon enough.  but even though i have made this progress, I have still had a few panicky moments where i could feel the panic attacks start to creep up on me.  And i suppose its my own fault for not keeping on top of the meditation and relaxation routine i have.  And i wont beat myself up of this because this makes it worse.  And I realised that I would probably always need to keep on top of this, and keep the demons out, stop all the negative thoughts out.  I was feeling really good about myself today and then suddenly out of nowhere all these negative thoughts that used to bother me suddenly crept in – I hated it and i am having trouble dealing with it.  I will write all this down in my diary because i am soo tired and need to sleep as i have a busy day tomorrow and will work on it tomorrow or monday once i have got time.  I dont like to put these things on hold but i have to as i need to give it my full attention and give it time.  At least i will be distracted as i work with the kids tomorrow! nite all and i hope you all are well.  Sorry if this hasnt made much sense! x