We've hit that point.. make or break it. We were both married.. unhappy.. trying open relationships when we found each other. Things got deeper than planned, and we kind of realized starting our “open relationship” in our marriages, was sort of the easy way out.. we're both very kind people, and we don't like others to hurt. And then the fact that immediately we felt what we'd never felt before.. just that feeling that we'd found our place in the world.. found true happiness.. found out how much less we'd been settling for in our relationships.Now.. I just don't know what to do. We are very open people.. honest.. but things have gotten messy recently, and he is kind of beating around the bush in order to save my feelings. Well, it may have ruined this fairy tale.. I am not sure yet. Can we fix it? Yes. Does it require him fully letting go of his marriage finally? Yes. Can he?.. I can't answer that. Well.. can he, yes.. but WILL he.. I don't know. But I can only wait so long.. for a best friend who turned into way more.. who has been ranting to me about how miserable his marriage has been.. and me trying to help him piece it back together.. until it finally turned into us piecing ourselves together.I feel like complete shit for this situation. Should we have waited until we both got our marriages over with? Yes. But life doesn't always work that way. Mine is in the process of being over with.. finally.. but t was because I was left in such financial ruin that I couldn't get it done. He has long been gone.. but the only thing changed with his side of things is that he no longer wears his ring. They still don't do things together.. or sleep together, in either sense.. they still live together and seem to hate it. I get wanting to be nice.. as I had the hardest time leaving, too.. but he has to realize that he is about to lose me.. I can't keep this double life up. Seeing him only on lunch and keeping everything quiet. It has been just absolute perfection with him.. we clicked in an instant and were best friends before I would have even in the slightest debated on dating him.. as we do have a substantial age gap. But we are very much wanting the same thing out of life.. and are not much sucked into the stupidity that life seems to be made of nowadays.At this point.. I just feel guilty as hell. Like some homewrecker.. I have never wanted to force him into anything.. but we are absolutely crazy about each other.. and it seems all we can talk about is wanting to move in together. Problem is.. he has just left the gentle “I might want a divorce” talk open.. and then he just goes along with whatever, so as not to upset her. I never ever ever saw myself getting into this position.. but life seems to have  its own plan. I feel like I am possibly the worst person in the world right now.. and the most pathetic, since if he was unhappy in his marriage.. and wanted to leave.. he just would. Yet, here I am.. waiting. I am going to go see him tomorrow.. and tell him I can't keep this up. There is no more option of “I'll wait for you”.. there is only yes or no. I want an actual relationship. This has gotten to be the normal, and I don't think about the situation much. But when I mention something to a friend.. I realize how fucked up this is.. and how I am now that person I have always judged.. and said I would NEVER be like that.I just don't know what to do.. what to say.. how to go about it. I am crushed from the inside out that I have let myself get over a year into this without really laying out any solid ground rules about the fact that he can't live there with her like a roommate and then be seeing me. It's fucked up, yet I am sitting here living it. I dom't even know if I could leave if I tried.. I found MORE than the man of my dreams.. the obvious answer would be to kick him to the curb and show him what he is missing.. but I can't. I have no doubt that I am going to pull myself out of any option of a dating scene if this does not work.Would it be easier with someone new?.. absolutely. Do I want to find a new Prince? ..no. Just typing that, I am crying. I am willing to look past the issues and move on towards a future. Yeah, it leaves me up to possibly running into the same situation later.. but who anymore has the ideal relationship? If they do, then they usually aren't happy.. everything in life has a catch. I found that perfect man.. imperfect, but perfect for me. We have had some rocky roads.. but this right here is my stopping point. Is he going to continue his miserable marriage just so he doesn't have to hurt her? Or is he going to leave, like he's been wanting to do way before we even before we had thoughts of seeing each other?It's been a day of nothing but thinking. A day of feeling sick and worrying and realizing that I can only handle this for so long.. I was just hoping he would man up before now. I am just so full of problems of my own, I need a man who can be by my side.. not.. whatever this is. I need someone who can be there.. I just need him. I am not crazy or begging or vengeful or competitive.. I just have never wanted anything but for him to be happy. And I can see it in his eyes when he is with me.. and obviously with me, as well.. I just have no idea how to ask without feeling like a damn whore-ish homewrecker.. you know? I'm sick at all of this.. and if he stays with her.. then she has every right to know that yes.. we had still been seeing each other. I hate to be an ass hole to him.. but she also doesn't deserve to be made to feel he is still with her, when he has been such a huge part of my life the past year.. it's just not fair. I don't want to cause a scene or anything, but he just can't live a double life


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