Today has been ok. FIrst one in a while that i could actually hold my head up high. I did get in some confontations today with some people i really don't like. They look down their noses at me. I can't stand it, it makes everypart of my body boil. It is so infuriating to be a junior in college and people still act like they are in 3rd grade. But. i actually took the time to go outside to today (although i got sunburnt). I enjoyed the warm air caressing my body like a lovers embrace. It feels good to feel comfortable in my own skin.am still fat, but Its ok. I have to love myself before any one else can love me. I know it will be ok eventually. All of these things in my life will pass, and I will be happy. It is just getting to the happy part. I wish i could just rocket myself there. But i know it is a journey and i have to be patient, mostly with myself. I shouldn't care about what other people think and say about me but i do, and so what if i am the biggest b-ee atch.. that ever walked. I do feel lost sometimes, but today was all about smelling the roses. One step at a time i guess. One, slow painful teetering first steps toward having a healthy productive life. I just want to be happy so my boyfriend can quit worrying. So i can' quit pulling my hair out trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I want to quit hiding my feelings, even from myself. I need to deal with things as they come. I just don't have the courage yet. But my faith says I have too. I have to believe that i will get through this. And I will.