I’m feeling a little better than I did earlier, at least emotionally. The physical pain, though, has worsened.

I can feel my neck spasming, it kind of stings. And my upper back is burning, right near my spine. I’m worried that it’s a disk problem rather than an issue with my having injured some muscles/ligaments. Hopefully, if it is, in fact, a herniated disk, it’ll correct itself rather than requiring an operation.

I think the worst part, though, is feeling how locked up my neck is. I don’t know if anyone else here has ever experienced this or not but I think it’s stress related because I’ve felt it before. You know how it feels to swallow? How your neck kind of tenses when you do it and then loosens again? Well imagine swallowing…and getting stuck mid-gulp so that it never loosens up. It’s almost like making a fist and holding it long enough that your muscles start to feel a little sore and it’s driving me nuts because I can’t get it to stop being so tense. The only thing that seems to help is tilting my head the whole way back because that sort of forces it to stretch out again.

While it bothers me, I can’t say I’m too worried because I know it’s unrelated to all the other pain I’m experiencing, it’s just bothersome. But sometimes I start to freak out because I’m scared that it’ll never go away although I know in the back of my mind that it will, I just need to relax.

But OMFG, that girl! I hate that stupid freaking girl! I know I should stop looking at her damn MySpace page but I just can’t help myself. It’s like looking helps me to feel angrier and even more hatred and, for some reason, I want that. I don’t know why…but I just do.

She’s changed her stupid picture approximately 3 times today and 3 times yesterday. She just keeps taking more and more pictures of herself and I hate narcissistic little attention whoring bitches like that. And she keeps changing her status message like everyone in the world must know what she’s doing 24/7. She’s on it like all day long which makes me wonder. If I’m remembering things correctly, my boyfriend said that she didn’t have a computer, that she was using her Mom’s or someone else’s and so she wasn’t online a lot. Well she’s online a lot in my damn opinion, she’s on allllllllllll the time constantly updating her MySpace page and I want so very badly to say something to her, to just be mean because I hate her so much. I’m a woman consumed and nothing seems to soothe me anymore. And there goes my neck…even tenser…pretty soon my heart will be next, it’ll just go poof. O_O

Bah, must log off, must get away.

1 Comment
  1. robbo66 14 years ago

    oh sweetie I cried when i read your blog! as I sit here with a wheat pack on my neck cos I cant move it the pain is incredible and its stress!!!!! Pent up emotion. I have missed a lot of life through this problem.  Had physio and yes its important to stretch. But I have been under enormous stress the last few months and I cannot take the anti imflammotories that do help with the pain as I have an ulcer. So I have to take muscle relaxants and even opiates at times its so severe. Im so sorry that you have to suffer the pain also.

                                                           Luv Robyn xxx

    0 kudos

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