i just want to cry, i have absolutely no idea why. I guess its cuz i'm on school (online academy) and i got e-mails from all these normal teens wanting to be friends with people (they sent messages to like everyone in their classes) and i just see how normal they are and i dont know why i cant be normal…why i cant be happy. I dont want to be depressed, i dont want to have to take care of my brothers everyday before and after school like i'm there mom 9not that my moms a bad parent she just works all the time and when she's not working shes running errands) I dont want to fall behind in school..but i am…i dont want to have to be responsible for all 5 kids in this hell hole…but i have no choice. sometimes i dont want to live here, i want to run away on my own and sulk. i just want out. right now i ust want to scream HELP ME. and cry.  i am crying and my 6 yr old brother asked whats wrong..i told him i am reading a sad story. i know i dont have it as bad as most kids, i have a car, a laptop, a credit card, i am extremely trusted by my parents (but i dont missuse that trust either like most teens would do) i have it good but yet i'm depressed, just cuz i have all this material sh** doesnt mean anything to me! My dad doesnt want me to move back in with him, his gf is  a bit** i have 3 little kids that look up to me, i have a sister who thinks her life is horrible when in truth nothing bad has happened to her worst thing: parents divorced which actually made life better for her. and a brother who defys everything i say, adn i am in charge so that makes things tough, my step dad just walked in so i hid my face and wiped aways the tears like everyday… my brother decides to defy everyhting i tell him to do, which is never much, and shoots an insult at me every chance he gets, its horrible, everyday being called lazy, fat, stupid, slave driver, told i hate him, and he acts like he beleives it, acts like he means it. and a guy a really liked, yeah he hasnt txt me in weeks so f**k him, wow excuse my language. I'm so tired of feeling hollow where my heart should be, tired of it feeling like its breaking in pieces everyday, tired of living this life. But i am thankful for being alive, i will never kill myself, but i just cant take it anymore, i want to lay in a heap in our living room crying, i want someone to know, but i dont. i dont know what i want. i know i've suffered from this for far to long to have any hope of it dissapearing, i know it gets worse everyday. I know that i cant do this anymore, the responsibilities of every kid in the house, the house itself, myself, my education, and my life, i cant do it all, i'm tired all the time, i want to go to bed at 9 but i am still doing stuff so i stay up til midnight doing everyhting i need to, tiredly, wake up at 7am and start my day, its exhausting, and i cant do it much longer, i will break soon and there will be nothing anyone can do, and when i do break, it will be for good i will be broken and then how will i go on?