It was rough today. It's Saturday here, so I didn't get to hide behind school for the short hours I'm usually there. My dad got home from work around eleven in the morning and my mom was downstairs when he arrived. She started the arguement this time. I locked my bedroom door and went into my closet. I tried to block out the yelling, but I couldn't. My mom called my dad crazy, psycho, and he called her nasty names right back.

My dad slammed the bedroom door when he went to his room, and I tried not to cry, because when has that ever helped? But I did… I cried because I couldn't help it. When my dad got up for work she screamed at him to just leave us, and I wanted to go downstairs to tell her to stop. Tell him I wanted him to stay, wanted her to stay, wanted us to be together.

I didn't.

I wanted to do so much, but my dad finally shouted right back that he would leave. I listened to my dad pack his bags and then he was gone. I haven't seen him in awhile…he won't answer my calls or my texts… I don't want to talk to my mom. I don't want to talk to my brother. I miss my dad. He didn't say goodbye. What if something happens and I don't see him again? What if there's an accident and that's the last memory I have of him?

I can't believe this is happening. I go to school and see all these girls happy, smiling, and I wonder if their lives are really that good that they don't even have to worry about it. Or are they just better actors? I appreciate the people praying for me, but I don't think He's going to help me. I seemed to have done something to anger Him, or maybe I'm just not seeing the good things He's trying to do. I don't know. I can't see how He would put me here…make me go through this… I'm so lost…

I just want some help, please.

I guess I'm going to go to bed…maybe everything will be okay in the morning… Maybe everyone will be happy.

–Ready For a New Day