my stepdad is getting more controlling…he scares me due to a bad history with him..i'm afraid, he told my brother that if he did anything wrong it wouldn't be him [my stepdad] that would be the first to go but it would be my brother. My brother is 13 and he's threatening to kick him out of the house… he says if my brother tries to run away he will come after him and find him and he also says that my brother belongs to him until the punishment is over but it will be over when my stepdad says so…my mother does nothing. she's probably too scared to do anything because she's been manipulated by my stepdad and she won't leave him…why is she doing this? sometimes i hate her for this..for staying with him through what's it's done to my brother and me…i fear that my brother has so much anger inside him that he's going to snap. i fear that i'm going to snap. ever since i saw my boyfriend Sunday weird things have been happening with my body…i think it's possible i could be pregnant and that scares me…i've had SO many mood swings lately. i'll get extremely angry for no reason…i'm always tired…i get so depressed almost all of the time…i cry just because i feel like it…i cry because my boyfriend is stressed and i feel like he doesn't want me…my stepdad told me years ago that if I got pregnant he'd send me to live with my aunt and uncle…he doesn't have that authority does he? if my mom says no…but she probably won't really fight back because she doesn't argue with him…..i want to kill myself. but i'm afraid of taking the life that might be growing inside of me…. but at the same time i'm scared ot let that possible life go on because i don't know if I could take care of it and my home situation isn't a good one to raise a baby in…my boyfriend said his mom wouldn't let my stepdad send me back to washington but i'm so worried..i haven't done anything yet because i hasn't even been a week of feeling like this and i really doubt i'm pregnant..i think i'm just literally falling apart mentally and emotionally……i don't know what i'll do if i'm pregnant. i don't even know if i am. i'm depressed and sad a lot and my mother said when she was pregnant with my brother..after she had him she had to be put on antidepressants because the pregnancy caused her to become more depressed…ugh…i have a headache again so i'm going to go…i probably won't come on again today…or soon…i've lacked the energy to talk to anyone i'm sorry guys…i'm just going to see what happens…i'll let you know when there's something new or if i find something out…i have my first appointment with my therapist today at 2 pm so wish me luck with that…not sure how much censoring i can do but i do know i need to censor some of it so they don't hospitalize me…i feel kind of naseous…talk to you guys later…thanks for reading.