I'm so tired. Mentally, emotionally and physically. I just want to curl up in a ball and die. These are the times that depression hits at full blast, and there is nothing I can do but surf the waves that make my body shake. Never thought I would be the one to think for once that those people were right. I am worthless. I am nothing. It's hard to endure the constant struggles inside of me. To continue living with a smile on my face knowing that I have a brain tumor in my head that I am scared is going to kill me from the inside. Isn't it enough that I am already dying emotionally and mentally from the inside? "You can do this", the therapists and the doctors say to me every time I go to an appointment. Then they get mad when I scream out that they dont know my pain. Its not only about the brain tumor. I have been trying my best to keep a strong outlook on life. Really. However, nowadays I don't see the point. I am close to failing the 12th grade. All because of my messed up grade in Biology and my inability to stay awake due to an adjustment of my meds. Why did they have to raise the dosage of my Trazedone I do not know, I shake my head at that pychiatrist. I get so frustrated with life. I have felt numb though. Sometimes I wish I could feel something. Now I just block things out. Or at least I try. I has been hard. Every day I walk around and think of all the reasons I should NOT hurt myself. It calms me down a little bit. I am trying to stay calm. This site helps more than people will ever know
Related Articles
-
Sad and overwhelmed
angie521, , Depression, Relationships, 0
I have a horriable weekend. I slept all day saturday just cause I didnt want to face the day....
-
-
New Insperation Song
sadjac, , Depression, 0
So I have a new insperation song. This will be the song that when I need a bit of...
-
Future Anxiety
soullessbvblover, , Depression, Anxiety, Sleep Disorders, 0
I'm really anxious about having to go out TWICE tomorrow. I have two appointments and it's really rattling my...
-
Perks of being a wallflower
mentalhell, , Depression, Anger, Depression, Therapist, 1
Yeah so I guess I haven't been on here a while and i'm sorry to those who posted on...
-
I will not.
revealed65, , Depression, Child, Lesbian, Gay, LGBTQ, Obesity, Self Esteem, 0
I will not hear anyone tell me anymore about their ignorance. I will not listen to it. I will...
-
intimacy….****possible trigger****
delane1, , Anxiety, Depression, Marriage & Family, OCD, Relationships, Stress, 0
Before i get started–again–lemme just be clear: these are my thoughts, and as i feel or whatever’s going on...
-
HAPPY WEDNESDAY
antoniosmomma, , Depression, Anxiety, Depression, Medication, Sleep Disorders, 0
Well it is Wednesday and the week is almost over -Thank God. The weekend came and went. Spent most...
Oh my dear I can't even imagine having to deal with all that at such a young age. You are dealing with a brain tumor and depression meds and being a teenager all at the same time. Give yourself credit for just making it through the day. I understand about the huge wave of pain hitting you and trying to stay on top of it instead of drowning in it. Keep on finding anything to distract you from hurting yourself and keep going.