In thinking of these dark times I've been facing lately, I've made some decisions. I will try to stay true to them, but it'll be hard. I've been scared, lonely, and down right desperate, but if I don't attempt to fix it, I'll rot this way…so.

I'm going to dance because I want to.

– He may be gone, but I'm not. I might not be a studio dancer, but I'm still passionately in love with dance. My soul still breathes it. It hurts without CT and Justine, but I'll live. I used to think I didn't have the strength to make it beautiful anymore, or even to have fun, but I do. In my living room, in the streets, out on the town, I'm going to shake it, because it's what I do.

I'm going to cry alone because I have to.

– I'm hurting. I'm aching. I feel alone. The tears are pouring out every night over things I love, things I hate, the past, the future, everything. I'm going to try my best to stop showing it like such a drama queen. I don't have to bitch to everyone. This is going to make it worse, but I can spare them.

I'm auditioning for Cirque du Soleil

– It's something I've always wanted to do, because I love the fictional world. It's so surreal. I want to be a part of it, and why shouldn't I be? My film career can wait a couple of years. All they can say is no, and I can at least say I tried. Then maybe I'll quit crying every time I watch it. I have it on DVD, so it's a lot too.

Love can wait

– Ok, so I'm 17 and never been kissed, big deal. I don't want to date these losers. I'm an artist, I seek other artists. As for sex, ok it scares me. There I said it. Now my friends can stop making fun of me. It'll come with time… if it's love