Career Indecision.. my battle of the day. Something that I believe OCD has/is playing a very big role with.

I joined the Army when I was 17 with my parents permission. I had everything in line and a contract stating that I'd be serving with 2nd Battalion of the 75th Ranger Regiment. I wanted to kick doors, ride on the skids of an MH-6 Little bird, shoot, jump and dive. I wanted to serve my country honorably. OCD cancelled that dream and I was discharged shortly before my ship date to Basic Training. Tis all in the past and probably for the better with my newfoudn anxiety that keeps me almost in constant companionship.

But the question still stands.. what do I want to do for a living? I'm here in Indianapolis, working as a Paramedic for a level 1 Trauma center Emergency Room, passing meds, doing IV's, constantly learning and always on the move. My kind of job for the most part, busy busy busy. I've already had 3 Nursing Managers for the same ER approach and tell me that once I get my RN, they will hire me on the spot. I haven't even applied to nursing school yet. IT used to be that I wanted to be a flight medic / flight nurse.. but such things do change my friends. Compassion is not a constant for some of us in the medical field. Bear with me..

One of the things that my Paramedic instructor always said, was that if you start to lose that lovin feelin or you no longer care, it's time to get out of medicine. I seriously question whether or not I truly care, or if it's just a problem of where I'm at / some of the clientel we're seeing on a daily basis. (We're the county hospital and we see the lowest of the low day in and day out) In any event, I'm all over the place. One minute I'll be deadset on nursing and becoming a flight nurse and flying for the University of Chicago's flight team in a few years. Then the next I'm considering IU's upcoming PA program (The hospital pays for 18 credit hours a year for me), and then the minute after that I'm wanting to be like Ari Gold from Entourage. Maybe not on such a large scale, but the traveling, the lucrative lifestyle, the constantly on the go/ on the phone etc.

I truly don't know, and I think another thing that doesn't help is that I place a lot of stress on myself about being in my career before I'm 30.

Just a sleepless night really. I wish the answers weren't so hard to find.