ok this week i tock up the chalange of slowly stopping some of my OCD behaviours. i stated with walking on breaks that face the wrong way, and on crakes. it was terrifing at first i did it for one day then went back to doing it the "right" way and found my legs where hurting after that day, so i went back to doing it the "wrong" way. i should note i still plucked for hours a day but it was ok. after 3 days it rained and my shoes where durty i wanted to clean them so badly, so i plucked hair for 15hs on and off. i know i shouldn't have but after 6hs my mother called fully knowing that i was finnaly getting help for my OCD called to tell me my grandfather had cancer again. for a strange reson the 3 people in my family who have hand cancer always getting right when i start to try and beat OCD. over course my brain said "its all your fult, if you keep this up he will die, your lucky that you didn't complety stop or other wise he would be die rigfht now" in a circle of hours. while this was going on and i was plucking, a few things came into my head, the time it takes to get the results let alone for my grandmother to tell anyone would be at lest a week or two, so how could i have coused it? it happened while i was doing the behavours. so if my behavours didn't stop this it just means mitoses did it, and i have no control over it. and i have no control over other things. my world stated sping even writing this it starts sping again. i think i made progess but i dont know how long it will last this time.