(Might trigger. I hope not… sorry if it does)

I was doing well for a while with the help of therapy, meditation amd yoga. I was feeling in a way that in my 42 years, I had never felt before… at peace. I had a big breakthrough in therapy and literally felt like i was dying because the pain was so severe. It\’s funny how you learn to live with pain for so long that it just becomes a part of your everyday life. It\’s always sitting there nawing at you… taunting you almost… when it wasnt there anymore I really didnt know why to do with myself at first. Luckily I was taking mindfulness meditation classes and yoga while all this was happening. For a few months I was actually happy, relieved, hopeful, etc. Recently, I feel myself falling back into the darkness. I feel like I am at war with myself because I desperately trying not to go back there. So many things have happened since I lost wrote a blog but most of the things I wrote about before are the same. Which arent helping me get through this journey. My anxiety is back with a vengeance and I have started using coping methods I havent used in quite a while. I feel angry and disappointed in myself. I wish life wasnt so stressful all the time. It has really taken a toll on my health as well. Tomorrow I am going to attempt to at least start exercising again in hope that it will help.me.get some of thos.negatove energy out. I am hanging in there but sometimes it feels like by only a thread. I miss having people to talk to or chat with when I can\’t sleep. Talking helps get all these negative vibes out. I just want to feel some peace again. I have so much work to do in therapy yet and just wish I was there already… I am a fighter and survivor. I will make it