I feel so behind in life. I feel like I am just waiting for something to happen out here in my life and there is nothing happening. Nothing to write about, either. Just the mundane everyday life of someone living. Nothing interesting in particular, except the fact that I raise my voice likely more often than the average person. It’s not that I like making noise, it’s just that it’s part of my job. I’m lucky to be high functioning as a mentally debilitated person, and though it doesn’t pay well, I think working my current job with another side hustle would be best. Who knows, maybe the kids I am working with will eventually come back, maybe when I’m in a different industry, where my skills will be needed by the time they are adults.

I am lucky to be high functioning. I don’t go about my everyday just expecting another time I get to sleep with someone, that’s only on Saturdays. When I do, I am left with little options because some people are simply just impossible for me. I can’t get along with everybody, and I know that fact. But because I am able to carry my day-to-day decently, I am not completely dependent on others. But the interactions are nice. Going to the pubs in the urban areas gives me an opportunity to become someone else, and that is the feeling I chase. So, depending on the night, and the showing, I potentially get to meet a bunch of interesting people.

Anyways, that’s beside the point of my current situation. I am left with not many options as I already know my sperm count has been lowered due to my self-treatment with estrogen. Without going into too much detail, I had foregone the belief that I needed a doctor’s approval in order for me to actualize my identity, so the lonely, painful, uninformed lifestyle became the penalty. I was told by my primary care doctor that I cannot receive hrt treatment because he wasn’t comfortable with the thing.

So that’s why I went with the diy path.

Yes, so I am left with little options and the ransom isn’t great but it’ll do. I did what I had to and I think it’ll benefit me in the long run. Not that I’ll ever break through, but at least I could have some form of fame despite the push back from my care team. Which care team? Oh! That will be for another time. Haha. That’s too bad. Feeling oppressed now, girlie? It’s okay. I’m giving you the time of your life. Love you!

Have a wonderful Halloween. May your dreams come true, and please, don’t me lied to about a party to go to like I was. Take your meds and prevent thought-blocking! Nothing compares to the volumes of your thoughts never vocalized.

Take that shit and shove it down their throats.

Oh, I would never! I’m far too respectful but my thoughts remain violent this season.

All thoughts are my own and are not representative of anyone or any organization. If you would like to collaborate please do hesitate to ask.