After the break up with my b/f of 14yrs I thought the sadness had gone when I figured out what I wanted to do with my life to take care of my future and was so excited about it but when I tried to get things going it all fell thru.  Others took me down saying it wouldn't work and although they were right it's like they didn't want me to be excited and getting on.  I still am sad over the break up and keep thinking of the way things were, can't help it but I am at the point where I wouldn't want it back again too much was done, too many lies and I've come to realize my love was withering away because we'd been apart for a while but I wasn't giving up I still wanted the future we'd planned on it was him who decided he didn't want to make the move and take risks and also seeing someone else….lies lies lies because up until the time he's supposed to move out here he didn't tell me anything and I found out he'd been seeing this woman since last year.  lies lies lies….we were still talking every night because we are keeping the best friend part of our relationship which is fine with me except the every night turned to once or twice a week which will probably dwindle down to once a week or so but like I said I'm fine with it now.  With all that's happened I realized things happened for a reason and I'm glad they did now I can somehow figure out how to get on with my life without that string still connected.  I just need to find some answers to what do I do now with tomorrow, the next day, etc…but one day at a time but one day at a time is getting me no where but then again it is because I'm here another day aren't I?  I look at my bottle of sleeping pills and think I'm so tired of each day fighting to get thru the day and can't turn the voices off in my head at night and wanting to just take the whole bottle and just not wake up.  Sleeping pills can be so dangerous if not taken like they should be and I actually had someone tell me well you can take two of those and get a high it's awesome….awesome they said…like it was nothing, a joke and I didn't find it funny at all.  It's hard for me to talk to anyone anymore even in here seems I have a lot of triggers I didn't realize I  had because I'm changing.  Change is hard….I don't know what to think…..