i havent had the best life but other people have it worse i used to feel something my mom was my best friend she died when i was 8 i didnt really know what happened the older i get the more i realize she is never coming back she died from drugs she was on drugs her whole pregnancy with me i almost didnt live which i wish i didnt. My grandma died 2 years before her for the same reason. When my grandma died cps took me from my mom and put me with a aunt and uncle, At the time they had two kids one a year older and one 6 years younger. we never really got along. I had visits with my mom but i didnt know the last time i would see her would me being mad at my mom. A few days after are visit she died i never got to say bye. after she died thats when my aunt started abusing me really bad, sometimes i ended up in the hospital because of her. She made up lies when the doctors asked what happen everytime, She told me if you say what happened its going to be worse then this. i never told anyone. every single day there was a new fight she started having her kids hit me i got to the age where i knew what was happening was not normal so i decided to run i ran from all my problems and i didnt think i would be the one getting in trouble, the cops told me they couldnt do anything i had to go back i begged but it didnt work it all started to get worse after that. i ran again a few weeks after and they noticed something was acaully going on my aunt got arrested and i got put into foster care i was in 8 diffrent foster home in year. I was happy at the time i thought i got away from everything, but after another court date came up the judge said i had to go back they said she changed and i thought maybe she did. a month or so goes by and she starts saying a bunch of shit and hitting me in the head multiple times that when i knew nothing changed every single day it got worse and worse, she put a knife against my throat cause i hit her i was defending myself she said touch me again and i will kill you same night i left it was right after school and i had plan to meet up with somebody that would help me my aunt didnt know where i was no one did except they guy and one friend.  i was with the guy when his sister calls me and him was behind his house on the train tracks in the woods but his sister said the cops was looking for me i hid they didnt find me about 10 hours go by and im done of hiding i got arrested after that i was in juvie for about 2 weeks i told the people there what had happened they said they wass sorry for me but i couldnt be running all the time. i didnt get taken out of there house cps just visted every week and made phone calls everyday i was scared cause my aunt would lie to them she had cameras in every room so there was no privacy so i decided to run again to get help again i jumped out my window it was on the second story and i left my friends mom was driving down the road so i started telling her what happened she called the cops they came brought me back they said i was fine cps comes every week so they really cant do anything about it.  everything  just keeps going on cps finally left tho i was scared i would stay away from my aunt. one day i go downstairs and ask my uncle if i can hang out with some friends btw i had no phone or was not allowed to leave the house at all only for school but he looked at me and told me to ask my aunt i say no its okay so he asks which was the worse thing she looks at me gets up in my face and goes why so you can be a whore started pushing me hard making me fall back she goes to hit me and i accidenally hit her in the face she starts beating me against the door and i start pushing her away i was done with her shit my uncle grabbed me while i was trying to hit her back he chocks me with his arm its around my neck and i cant breath i wanted to die i hoped he would have killed he lets go i fall to the ground trying to catch my breath then i stand up and run for the door the neighbors was out im yelling call the cops please i need help my aunt grabs me by my hair and drags me back inside she made me go to my room and she locked the door i go to my window and yell down what just happened the cops showed up banging on the door tthey ask to speak with my uncle he got arrested at that time then the ask for my aunt she wouldnt open the door my aunt comes up and gets me and me and my cousins are standing in front of the window i got blood on my face and she looks at them and says look there all okay you dont need to come in. one of the cops give me a look and he just knows what just happenedthey told her if she dont open it they was gonna break it down so they did i have a baby cousin and i picked her up telling her it was going to be okay my aunt starts running after they break down the door but they still got her they put her incuffs she tried to hug the baby i wouldnt let her i wanted to keep her safe she starts yelling at me saying shes not your i hope you kill your self your not a good person you just broke my family up. i stayed at my grandmas with my cousins cps said her house was too small so they moved us with another aunt and uncle. it was going really good about 2 months after living with that aunt and uncle my other ones get out of jail they wasnt allowed to see there kids nor me about a week after they get out i start doing drugs coke, fent really anything i can get my hands on, i was so drugged out i tried to jump off a bridge over by a school called emerson my friend stopped me and brought me back to my aunts house she had no clue what happened cause no one told her she didnt know i was on drugs or anything. i thought the drugs would help my deppresion and they did for a while until they started ti make it worse so i told her about it and she helped me stop which was hell but i did it. Thats when i started drinking alot. i would go out with random guys very late at night sleeping with them cause i wanted someone to love me maybe not for who i am but they did love me for what i was doing it was a new guy every single day it was going on for around 3 weeks until my aunt caught me she didnt hit me or anything cause she wasnt like my other aunt she jsut sit down with me and told me i couldnt be doing that she i told her how i was feeling and she decided to get a mental health test done we found out i have bipolar 1, deppresion, anxiety, adhd, bpd, ptsd, pd, and insomnia  i knew deep down i wasnt okay but i tried to show everyone i was i read a text for my other uncle i wasnt living with a the time he ss a text to his laywer and said he didnt want me he dont love me which i knew it was all true but he also said he just needed me for the money from my social security. I cant sleep i dont want to get out of bed i want to die im not scared to i drink to try to fall asleep it dont work to good, i dont eat i havent in a few days now i cant get out of bed i dont want to ive now lived with my aunt and uncle for 8 month since everything has happened they wont let me go back to the ones that hurt me and im glad they wont.