Dear me,

I'm not too sure where to begin this letter. There's a few things I need to get off of my chest. In the past, you've really disappointed me. So, i'm not sure how much faith I can really put into you yet. I guess in a way i'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't really know what to expect from you next. You're a very unpredictable person and sometimes you're hard to take. For instance, your pessimistic attitude has really gotten me down. You have such a negative aura about you that it makes other people feel as if you're sucking the energy right out of them. No one wants to be friends with you because of your negativity.

You're sarcastic and cynical, but not in the funny ways. You act like you don't care what people think or say about you when you know that you're lying to yourself and others when you say that. You DO care what people think and say. It's ok to feel that way sometimes, but you shouldn't let people get to you so much! I know it's hard and I know that you feel like giving up sometimes, but I know you can make it happen if you really want it bad enough. I believe in you and even though you don't always have faith in yourself, I have faith in you too!

I know that there's a positive, happy, optimistic, funny and bubbly person in there somewhere. I know this for a fact because I've experienced it myself! I've seen you like that before. Remember high school? You let people push you around for awhile and then out of no where you got some weird confidence thing going on! Don't you miss that? I know you do! You shouldn't be so afraid of people liking you. It's ok to be different. Being like everyone else isn't as great as you think it might be. I'm saying all of this because I love you and I know that you aren't happy.

But just so you know, you CAN change it! You didn't lose that person! You just hid her under a rock because you were afraid of her. I've been watching the way you've been growing since you've been on your medication. I can see that you're healing. I forgive you for all the negative emotions you've been displaying and for being so angry at everything all of the time. So now it's time that you forgive yourself! It's NOT your fault that you lost the babies…sometimes these things just happen. Forgive yourself and let it go, because someday it will happen!

It will happen when you are fully ready and probably when you least expect it. You'll make a wonderful mom, because you're such a generous and caring person. I know it hurts to think about the miscarriages, but I think that it's time for you to move on and heal from it. Forgive yourself! If you don't, you'll continue to feel miserable and carry it with you always. I love you and it's ok to be afraid of the future, but you shouldn't let that stop you from living your life. Look where it's got you! You're sad most days…

I know you want to be happy, but you're too hard on yourself. You're growing up and starting to understand that sometimes life has really hard lessons to learn, but just remember that it also holds many wonderful miracles. Just start by making yourself happy and healing, that's the first steps. It will happen, just be patient and don't rush things. Just appreciate and enjoy what you have right now and be thankful, because not everyone has it as good as you do! Relax and breathe, tomorrow is a new day and it can only get better from here!

 Love, yourself XD