Okay, so where to begin?? I've lived in the Smoky Mountains 97% of my life. For short periods of time I lived in NC and Johnson City, TN, but never have I gone far from East TN. I love the mountains. Daily reminder of God's splendor.
My mom and dad were divorced when I was about 3 years old. I have a younger sister. Mom re-married a couple times through the years. My first step-father molested me when I was in the 2nd grade. I found out later on down the road, that he'd also molested my sister and that the second step-father was again touching her inappropriately. Eventually my sister told my mother and the guy was gone, but I didn't tell anyone but sis about my experience until I was 21 years old. I spent every weekend on my Great Grandmother and Grandfather's farm up until I was about 12. Those were times that I cherish. I felt safe there and I knew no one would touch me or my sister. We became Christians because of our wonderful grandparents. They took us to church every single sunday. I thank God for them and other family that made our childhood a little more normal. My dad was in and out of my life, but is one of my best friends now.
As I said earlier, at 21 I finally started telling people. I was having these crazy nightmares and anxiety attacks. I got some psychological help, but it wasn't enough. I wish I'd stuck with it longer… I was an overweight kid, but I hit 230 lbs. in highschool. After I started talking about what happened to me as a kid, I began losing the weight. I finally had men interested in me and wanting to date me. I have no idea why, but I started sleeping around and drinking a lot. That was never me, but suddenly I was someone else. I thought I was happy but looking back now, I realize I was as far from happy as anyone could get.
In 1996, I got my first DUI and in 2000 I got my fourth. I've quit drinking but I still haven't been able to get my driver's license back. Everytime I would get close to being eligible for it, I'd do something stupid. I'd get caught driving or I would violate my probation…. I've spent time in jail over the years and I'm disgusted by that. Even now, I'm going to court next week because I was driving in February of 2010, like a fool and got pulled over for a minor traffic violation. Anyone else would have had a ticket written and be on their merry way. I had to go to jail and bond back out again, all the while being two hours late to work. I was on my way there actually when it happened. I'm so scared of what's going to happen. I wish somehow the day would just never come. I was so stupid for driving, but I hadn't been behind the wheel of a car in a year and a half and I was sick of bumming rides. I had a car that needed some work done, and I began driving again. Partly I did it because of work… I worked from open to close and it was so hard finding someone to bring me over early in the morning and then pick me up that night. Excuses don't matter now I suppose. I just have to face up to my punishment. But this means that I won't get my license for an even longer amount of time.
I'm tired and sad, so I think I'll stop for now. I'll come back another night and tell y'all a little more about me…