I bought a book Unknowable recommended and I'm also going to a group therapy session next week. I'm also trying to help myself by not washing as often as I do. I decided to share my problems on here and I would like for you guys to give advice on what I should or should not do… I know it's asking for a lot, but since I'm doing "exposures" on my own it's getting harder and harder to deal with the anxiety. Here we go:

Turning off the faucet. ( I have no problem turning it on, but once my hands are washed I can't turn it off unless I use a napkin.)

Door handles (inside my home and in the outside world)

Toilet (Flushing it….)

People touching certain items that I feel are not clean and then touching my stuff. ( I try to not let this get to me. So, for the exposure I force myself to think that maybe the person touching my stuff doesn't have any germs)

People sneezing anywhere near me, and then touching things. (I will flip my s**t if someone does this. I have told a few people off =/. Anyway, not sure what kind of exposure I should do for this.)

Chicken (One word: Salmonella! I can't go near it.)

Walking somewhere and then noticing spit on the sidewalk/road.

I know that germs are everywhere and I know that you can't rid them off of everything, but I can't help myself when it comes to certain things. I never invite anyone into my house, because I don't know where they have been. I stopped enjoying a lot of things like owning pets because this disease ruined my entire life. I don't visit friends that I know have come in contact with certain diseases. They know that I have OCD and they know that I act very shady towards people. I will tell someone that they are disgusting if they do something stupid in front of me (like sneeze into their hands).It's so messed up that I can't control this. I ask myself who or what did I piss off.

I started going to the gym 4 times a week (getting there was a pain in the behind) andI have been feeling a lot better. I just don't know what to do when I am at home. All the thoughts come in at once and BOOM there I go washing and showering none stop. My skin is starting to dry up again because I shower 4 times a day (45-1 hour). My significant other is always angry and I don't blame him.

2 Comments
  1. TheTallestOne 10 years ago

    Hi! Why are you doing exposure therapy by yourself? Are you able to seek professional help? Trying to do it on your own is pretty difficult.

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  2. Epix 10 years ago

     At the moment I have no insurance. I wish I could see someone who could help me, but no insurance = no therapy.

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