I bought a book Unknowable recommended and I'm also going to a group therapy session next week. I'm also trying to help myself by not washing as often as I do. I decided to share my problems on here and I would like for you guys to give advice on what I should or should not do… I know it's asking for a lot, but since I'm doing "exposures" on my own it's getting harder and harder to deal with the anxiety. Here we go:

Turning off the faucet. ( I have no problem turning it on, but once my hands are washed I can't turn it off unless I use a napkin.)

Door handles (inside my home and in the outside world)

Toilet (Flushing it….)

People touching certain items that I feel are not clean and then touching my stuff. ( I try to not let this get to me. So, for the exposure I force myself to think that maybe the person touching my stuff doesn't have any germs)

People sneezing anywhere near me, and then touching things. (I will flip my s**t if someone does this. I have told a few people off =/. Anyway, not sure what kind of exposure I should do for this.)

Chicken (One word: Salmonella! I can't go near it.)

Walking somewhere and then noticing spit on the sidewalk/road.

I know that germs are everywhere and I know that you can't rid them off of everything, but I can't help myself when it comes to certain things. I never invite anyone into my house, because I don't know where they have been. I stopped enjoying a lot of things like owning pets because this disease ruined my entire life. I don't visit friends that I know have come in contact with certain diseases. They know that I have OCD and they know that I act very shady towards people. I will tell someone that they are disgusting if they do something stupid in front of me (like sneeze into their hands).It's so messed up that I can't control this. I ask myself who or what did I piss off.

I started going to the gym 4 times a week (getting there was a pain in the behind) andI have been feeling a lot better. I just don't know what to do when I am at home. All the thoughts come in at once and BOOM there I go washing and showering none stop. My skin is starting to dry up again because I shower 4 times a day (45-1 hour). My significant other is always angry and I don't blame him.

2 Comments
  1. TheTallestOne 7 years ago

    Hi! Why are you doing exposure therapy by yourself? Are you able to seek professional help? Trying to do it on your own is pretty difficult.

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  2. Epix 7 years ago

     At the moment I have no insurance. I wish I could see someone who could help me, but no insurance = no therapy.

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